Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist! He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.
Ok, so I met this guy at a friend’s 21st, and he’s best friends with my friend and they were actually roommates until a couple of days ago (she’s studying abroad now). Anyway we really hit it off and since they live in the same apartment anyway we all went back to their place, but instead of sleeping in my friend’s bed I ended up sleeping in his (or not sleeping, whichever). I normally don’t do meet and greets of that nature but there was booze and it just felt right. The next morning was very sweet and cuddly and easy. He invited me up to Sag Harbor where he lives, mentioned we should see an upcoming concert and asked for my number. We texted a little two days later (he typed my number in wrong and asked me to text him via FB) but it wasn’t extensive or overly flirty. It’s now been two days after that and I haven’t heard anything. I know serious doesn’t usually happen after a hook-up but I’m feeling maybe this is different? I think I actually like him and am wondering if I should nip it in the bud or go with it. Also how much effort should I be putting into this? Should I wait for him to text me? Thanks! – Out of my Element at Ohio U
Out of my Element,
I like to think of myself as a typical college guy and yet girls never text me first, literally, like never. Okay, some of my friends will claim that they do indeed text me first. But do you get the point? By actually growing some cajones and initiating a conversation with a simple text message, you are setting yourself apart from so many other girls. This is a good thing. Most guys love it when a girl goes after what she wants and isn’t constrained by the social norms.
So don’t wait for him to text you. Go ahead and text him!
Now while I concede your notion that serious doesn’t usually happen after a hook-up, this is simply an over-generalization. It is also a generalization that manifests without anyone questioning its legitimacy. Often times both parties are too shy/uncomfortable after a hook-up to inquire about something more. Why is this the case? It’s simple: Movies and television shows “teach” us that the typical hook-up partner only wants to “hit it and quit it.” But real life certainly isn’t like the movies. Not every guy is looking to get in and get out.
In your case, it sounds to me like you could have something special with this guy. You hit it off on the night of your friend’s 21st, so it wasn’t necessarily a random hook-up. There was a genuine connection that led to it. And afterward he invited you back to where he’s from, inquired about taking you to a concert, and asked for your number! It sounds like he is certainly interested in getting to know you better.
As for the thought you may have, “If he was interested wouldn’t he consistently be texting me?” Well, I won’t lie to you here, if I’m interested in a girl, I text her almost daily. But you never know what else is going on in someone’s life that they may be dealing with. And again, what is so bad about initiating a text? Worst-case scenario, he either tells you he’s no longer interested or he simply doesn’t respond. If either of those things happen, you can move on to bigger and better things. Otherwise you are just sitting there waiting for a text, where is the fun in that?
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Girl Texting