And the Oscar Goes To: A Collegiette’s Award Night Predictions

It is officially my favourite time of the year. Is it because I get brutal frostbite every time I step out my door? No! It is because it is awards season; a beautiful time when disgustingly gorgeous people get dressed up in designer ensembles that cost the equivalent of a four-year university tuition (plus grad school) and receive shiny trophies for being super fabulous at saying words in various costumes. Some people think award shows are pointless, but I do not care about those people. Award shows make you realize: “Stars: they are absolutely nothing like us.”

After the Golden Globes, the Critics Choice, the SAGs, etc., I am ready for the Holy Grail of award shows: the Oscars. The Oscars are great because they make you feel culturally illiterate for having no clue what any of the “Best Foreign Film” nominees are about. In possible ignorance, I have assumed that you are way too popular and otherwise socially occupied to have seen all of the nominated films or performances. Well, lucky for you, I have zero social life and have seen [almost] all of them. In preparation for the live broadcast, hosted by the incomparable talent, Mr. Neil Patrick Harris, I will give you a brief rundown (with my various and frankly unwarranted ramblings) of the nominees you should expect to give incoherent speeches. 

Best Costume Design Nominees:


Milena Canonero, The Grand Budapest Hotel


Mark Bridges, Inherent Vice


Colleen Atwood, Into the Woods


Anna B. Sheppard and Jane Clive, Maleficent


Jacqueline Durran, Mr. Turner

My prediction: I have such a love for cinematic faux-70’s fashion (a la last year’s American Hustle), so I must go with my heart (and love of ultra-flare jeans) and sing my praises for the hazy, hilarious Inherent Vice. 

Best Makeup and Hairstyling
 Nominees:

Bill Corso and Dennis Liddiard, Foxcatcher


Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier, The Grand Budapest Hotel


Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou and David White, Guardians of the Galaxy

My prediction: Steve Carell’s nose prosthesis in Foxcatcher. That is all.

Best Original Song
 Nominees:

“Everything Is Awesome” from The Lego Movie; Music and Lyric by Shawn Patterson


“Glory” from Selma; Music and Lyric by John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn


“Grateful” from Beyond the Lights; Music and Lyric by Diane Warren


“I’m Not Gonna Miss You” from Glen Campbell…I’ll Be Me; Music and Lyric by Glen Campbell and Julian Raymond


“Lost Stars” from Begin Again; Music and Lyric by Gregg Alexander and Danielle Brisebois

My prediction: John Legend’s win at the Golden Globes gifted the internet with the incredible Chrissy Teigen cry meme. If there is any chance of an encore cry, “Glory” must win the Oscar.

Best Animated Short
 Nominees:

The Bigger Picture


The Dam Keeper


Feast


Me and My Moulton


A Single Life

My prediction: Similar to every single other personal comment in this article, I am in no way qualified to say anything about any of these nominees with any sort of intelligible insight. However, Me and My Moulton was created by McGill graduate Torill Kove. How impressive is that?

Best Animated Feature
 Nominees:

Big Hero 6


The Boxtrolls


How to Train Your Dragon 2


Song of the Sea


The Tale of Princess Kaguya

My prediction: I have never had such little opinion on anything in my entire life. My vote goes to Frozen. 

Best Foreign Language Film
 Nominees:

Ida, Poland


Leviathan, Russia


Tangerines, Estonia


Timbuktu, Mauritania


Wild Tales, Argentina

My prediction: This is a bit awkward. I have not seen any of these. I know that Ida is on Netflix, so if I can pull myself away from Jamie Dornan’s uncomfortably alluring serial killing on BBC’s The Fall for a couple of hours, I may watch it. The most upsetting thing to me is that the one foreign film I saw this year, the Swedish film Force Majeure, was not even nominated. (The video of the producer and director watching the nomination results be announced is now viral and positively hilarious. Watch it.)

I have to use my best deductive reasoning skills and assume that the Oscar will go to Leviathan, because it won the Golden Globe. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.

Best Supporting Actor
 Nominees:

Robert Duvall, The Judge


Ethan Hawke, Boyhood


Edward Norton, Birdman


Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher


J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

My prediction: J.K. Simmons easily gave one of the best performances of the year. Simmons played an intense, and I mean intense, teacher at an elite music school in New York. If I had a teacher like him, who told me they would “gut me like a pig,” I probably wouldn’t procrastinate so much. 

Best Supporting Actress
 Nominees:

Patricia Arquette, Boyhood


Laura Dern, Wild


Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game


Emma Stone, Birdman


Meryl Streep, Into the Woods

My prediction: Meryl Streep deserves every award to ever exist in the entire universe ever. She is a goddess who walks amongst us mere mortals.

That being said, I do not feel that her performance as the Witch in Into the Woods necessarily garners her a win. (Her rendition of “The Witch’s Rap” did change my life, though.) This category belongs to Patricia Arquette. She was absolutle perfection as a single mother in Boyhood. 

Best Actor Nominees:

Steve Carell, Foxcatcher


Bradley Cooper, American Sniper


Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game


Michael Keaton, Birdman


Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

My prediction: The performances of each of these actors blew me away. However, I do have a few squabbles. This category, to me, would be positively perfect if Jake Gyllenhaal’s man-bun from Nightcrawler was properly represented. I feel that if I bombard the Academy with enough threatening emails, I can make it happen. Justice for Jake’s man-bun. 

I would also like justice for one Mr. Ralph Fiennes, who played the charmingly wacky concierge in The Grand Budapest Hotel. (Disclaimer: Ralph looks what I imagine my boyfriend is going to look like when he is 52, so my opinion is biased.) Jokes aside, even with my unqualified opinions of film considered, I cannot deign to predict a winner here.

Steve Carell’s performance as the murderous and über creepy Olympic wrestling coach, John du Pont, was a complete departure from his The Office persona. I was so impressed with Carell’s ability to make me forget who he was as a comedic actor and truly become this other person. And now, a shout out to my two favourite Brits, Benedict Cumberbatch and Eddie Redmayne; beyond the fact that they are both sensationally flawless human beings, these two actors genuinely embodied their roles as Alan Turing and Stephen Hawking, respectively. 

Best Actress Nominees:

Marion Cotillard, Two Days One Night


Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything


Julianne Moore, Still Alice


Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl


Reese Witherspoon, Wild

My prediction: I was immensely pleased to see that I was personally represented in this category! I can freely admit that I saw a dangerous amount of myself in Rosamund Pike’s psychotic Amy Dunne (but mainly, we have the same haircut and I adored the collared dress that she wore at the end of the movie.) 

I think all of these actresses gave incredible performances, but I think that Emily Blunt should have been nominated for her role as the Baker’s Wife in Into the Woods. She got to make out with Chris Pine, but then fell off a cliff and died. I mean, the girl suffered enough, she deserved some Academy recognition at least!

While all of these actresses are completely deserving of nominations, this is all Julianne. The Golden Globes knew it, I know it, the world knows it. Moore played Dr. Alice Howland, a brilliant college professor suffering from early-onset Alzheimer’s. She was simply incredible. 

Best Adapted Screenplay Nominees:


American Sniper, Jason Hall


The Imitation Game, Graham Moore


Inherent Vice, Paul Thomas Anderson


The Theory of Everything, Anthony McCarten


Whiplash, Damien Chazelle

My prediction: The fact that Gillian Flynn, author of Gone Girl and its screenplay, was not even nominated is a travesty. With lines such as “‘What is the laptop for?’ ‘Laptopping!'” and various other R-rated gems, how could she not have been? That being said, Whiplash had some amazingly quotable insults. 

Best Director
 Nominees:

Alexandro G. Iñárritu, Birdman


Richard Linklater, Boyhood


Bennett Miller, Foxcatcher


Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel


Morten Tyldum, The Imitation Game

My prediction: Wes Anderson tops my list of favourite directors. His use of a colorful palette, interesting characters and stories just make me smile. But, Richard Linklater’s Boyhood was an innovative film that deserves every high praise it can get. This is truly his night.

Best Picture Nominees:

American Sniper


Birdman


Boyhood


The Grand Budapest Hotel


The Imitation Game


Selma


The Theory of Everything


Whiplash

My prediction: The Hermés to the Michael Kors of the other categories, this category is always most cared about. I assume it is because the day after the winners are announced, stores get to slap a gaudy “Best Picture” sticker onto the winning film’s DVD case to sell to clueless peasants who want to seem more sophisticated. I am quite frustrated by the nomination for Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper. (If I have to hop onto social media and see the illiterates I went to high school with talking about how it was “totally the best movie ever,” with an obscenely innapropriate emoji next to it, I am officially Gone Girl-ing myself.) It was a genuinely moving film and harrowing story, and Bradley Cooper is a kind of relatable real world attractive that I can really appreciate, but films such as Foxcatcher and Nightcrawler were snubbed at Sniper’s expense. 

I was obsessed with both Whiplash and Birdman, but seeing as Academy voters did not call me up and ask for my opinion, I do not see either of these amazing movies cinching the category. It honestly comes down to The Grand Budapest Hotel and Boyhood, the former being my favourite movie of the year. 

I feel that the innovative format, beautiful performances from every actor, and its “Best Picture” win at this year’s Golden Globes has earned an almost guaranteed win for Boyhood. In case you have been living in the McGill bubble of Gert’s and weighty course packs, Boyhood is a look into the life of a single mother and her two children. It sounds seemingly mundane, but the film used the same actors and filmed the 12 separate sections of the film once a year, over the course of 12 years. It is something that has never been done before, which makes it such an appealing choice to win.

There are way more categories that I am unqualified to comment on, but I will not insult you by sharing my opinions on those. Tune in on February 22nd for a night of song-and-dance numbers (hello? It is NPH!), tears, laughs, couture, inevitable wardrobe malfunctions, and music to get the people talking to shut up and get off the stage. (I swear the Academy did not pay me to promote.) Happy Oscars!

Images obtained from:

http://media.giphy.com/media/c17EoQCdr7WjC/giphy.gif, http://media.giphy.com/media/nJRKMr7D036Ug/giphy.gif, https://38.media.tumblr.com/9dcbb69ce290bb9fbfc63562529f6de0/tumblr_nehm9lj1Fp1s535xbo3_250.gif, https://31.media.tumblr.com/aaeb616e196583a0e160ffb5e3718bea/tumblr_inline_ni34aeROat1qcr5uv.gif, http://media.giphy.com/media/6ym6xK7Omq9Ak/giphy.gif, https://31.media.tumblr.com/8b9533cdc39330cd9a0ec4c15e5fd12d/tumblr_nhrxqrtvhy1rpby98o3_250.gif, https://33.media.tumblr.com/56c9d6f5d1e8c2d27409763a49b26ecc/tumblr_nhle8tAo5r1qbvj3do8_250.gif, https://31.media.tumblr.com/2e755317d68f37c7e067a66741f49f3c/tumblr_nig4fwEFzk1r9i772o6_400.gif, https://33.media.tumblr.com/8d9184a752ffaec04bd8e8247a781081/tumblr_ni9we9fAgc1qc8jh0o4_500.gif, https://38.media.tumblr.com/2e53090cdea5ca975d043778be553681/tumblr_ni9t1b3H3E1qdor1to2_250.gif, http://media.giphy.com/media/wSek7OOaSgjYc/giphy.gif, https://38.media.tumblr.com/4ee16b569d6e148bd41954b16ce4f121/tumblr_nigrix35dv1qifm00o1_500.gif, https://33.media.tumblr.com/816b19768d77bf8704e40bfc57fa6db0/tumblr_nhuhkua2kG1sktobto3_400.gif, https://33.media.tumblr.com/f4cf71ddffed5c8a04a6b7d3812f7e84/tumblr_nhudz8EYIY1rkkmedo7_250.gif, https://31.media.tumblr.com/dcc4cea6b51fe6a779fbc3453ffdee71/tumblr_n1ugwjONVm1tohycao1_400.gif, https://31.media.tumblr.com/354c7a8c796892931341e8e37cb2522f/tumblr_miy83kSvZA1qcpkfeo1_500.gif, http://media.giphy.com/media/4KChFZ0uhoOha/giphy.gif, http://media.giphy.com/media/MCudzuADLuJWw/giphy.gif

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