Mixed signals. It’s something we absolutely dread from guys as girls. It can be an emotional rollercoaster trying to interpret the actions of our crushes or boyfriends. We’re all familiar with the superstitious cliché plucking of petals trying to figure out whether, “He loves me!” or “He loves me not…” We might not be plucking petals anymore, but we still sometimes doubt and wonder, questioning our crush or boyfriend’s actions. Who hasn’t had the “Why-does-it-seem-like-he’s-suddenly-avoiding-me-when-just-yesterday-he-seemed-so-into-me-all-day!” feeling?
Fortunately, Her Campus NYU has the guide to the most common mixed signals and concerns we get as girls and the scoop on what he’s really thinking. Here’s to curing every girl’s over-analysis woes!:
Why hasn’t he responded yet?!: Oh how texting can be such a tricky game at times!…But the thing is, talking and communication shouldn’t have to be a gam. Most guys aren’t thinking, “Let me mess with her head and act completely opposite from yesterday because I don’t care about her feelings!” He’s actually probably busy with anything from class to schoolwork or the many other things on the long to-do list of college students. And even after he’s done, the text might have slipped his mind! Take a breather from your phone and do things you have to get done for yourself, and remember that with guys, you can always give them more space. I would only start to worry if the guy is always inconsistent with the way he talks to you, especially if he avoids you and acts off in-person. But behind the phone, give him more benefit of the doubt.
Why’d he like that other girl’s picture on Facebook: He liked it…because he might have actually liked the picture itself. It doesn’t mean he likes the girl, necessarily. You might see pictures of your favorite actor and think he looks good, but it doesn’t mean you’re going to drop your real man for the actor. If your crush has been showing major signs he’s into you from your interactions and talks with him, don’t let silly social media interactions get the best of you. And if he’s your boyfriend, you should have even less to worry about. Don’t let the green monster consume you! The fact that he did it on a place where people can publicly notice should show you he’s not hiding anything. You should only be concerned if the picture was particularly showy or scandalous or if he posted an obviously flirtatious comment.
Why doesn’t he start conversations or talk as much as we used to?: Believe it or not, some guys are actually shy. If he’s a crush, maybe he’s not comfortable being the first to initiate things. It doesn’t mean he’s any less into you. In fact, for some girls, it’s flattering that he can get so tongue-tied around you, as cliché as the idea seems. If you’re worried that you’re not talking as much or the same with your boyfriend, he probably genuinely just doesn’t have anything really new to talk about at the moment. This is normal! You don’t have to force conversation, and oftentimes, you exhaust a lot of the fun, getting-to-know-each-other talk in the Honeymoon phase. Once you’re in the comfortable phase, know that space and less frequent communication is actually a good sign. It’s not that he’s avoiding you; he’s just gotten comfortable with you and knows you well now so there really won’t be as much to constantly talk about. He’ll really appreciate if you show him you’re comfortable with this too.
What did he mean when he said, “_____”: He meant what he literally said. Most guys aren’t into the whole read-in-between the lines deal that we might admit to doing ourselves as girls. I think it’s safe to say that what most guys say can be taken at face value. Most guys aren’t trying to play games with our heads as I mentioned earlier. It’s us girls that tend to make interpreting their actions and words into a game for ourselves, but it’s a game that we shouldn’t need to win! Leave the interpretation and analysis for those papers you have due next week and take comfort in the simple-minded statements your crush or boyfriend might be saying. You should only worry if he’s saying things unusual from his normal character or saying things that literally don’t mean something good.
And Remember!
Everyone is different. Not every guy is the same as the other. If you feel like you’re really getting mixed signals from a guy and you just can’t tell where your relationship with him stands, the best way to get into his head is to talk to him yourself. Unfortunately, we don’t know every guy and we can’t write a personalized guide on every guy. Don’t be afraid to be honest, but don’t be obsessive either! Let him know if you think you’re misinterpreting something or if something he does irks you (in a reasonable, polite manner, of course). He’ll appreciate your honesty and the fact that you want to clarify things with him. Better that than jumping to the worse possible conclusion!