On Friday, I performed my number one civic duty as a college student.
No, I didn’t vote early and no, I didn’t pay any taxes. Instead, I decided to call my parents and grandparents to catch up on the goings on in their lives. It had been a week or so since I had talked to them on the phone and I figured that the conversation wouldn’t be any more extensive than a typical, “Yes, Mom, I’m getting a relatively decent amount of sleep while still maintaining a relatively decent GPA” spiel.
Oh, no! That would have been too mundane! Rather than jumping for joy because their daughter/granddaughter is successfully juggling school, work and extra-curricular activities, my family wanted to know about my social life—or lack thereof, as they view it.
Read: my family is overcome with an overwhelming concern because I do not have a boyfriend.
Appalling, right? Aren’t families of college students supposed to worry that their children are wasting money, spending too much time on their phones and slacking off on their schoolwork? I shower frequently, I go to the gym regularly and I haven’t been arrested—how could I possibly be a disappointment to my family?!
But I couldn’t say that to my mom or grandma Instead, I kept these seven thoughts running through my mind to myself as I replied, “Yes, I know. I will try to spend less time on my schoolwork and more time trying to track down Prince Charming.”
1. A boyfriend? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Maybe when 16 credit hours, two jobs, two student organizations and one sorority take up less hours of my day I will consider penciling a date or two into my planner.
2. Do I really need more stress in my life?
Hang on, let me just set aside my internship and scholarship applications to make sure I text you back in a timely manner! I wouldn’t want to run the risk of you hating me because I didn’t talk to you 24/7! No, I definitely don’t have time for that.
3. It might cut into my eating time…
Do I have any desire to maintain the “perfect” figure to impress a man? Uh, no. My Sophomore 15 will keep me company through the long, cold winter nights, thank you very much.
4. Isn’t the point of school to… learn?
Yes, I like boys. Yes, I think it would be wonderful to be in a relationship. But I also like learning and doing well in my classes—and I’m paying a lot of money to ensure that I can do just that.
5. Somebody has to dance to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies.”
I can’t imagine how horrible I would feel if I attended a social function, listened to this girl-power anthem and watched in horror as not one single lady puts her hand up. I mean, I don’t want to feel personally responsible for the downfall of Beyoncé’s career just because I had to find myself a significant other.
6. I can fend for myself.
Oh, I cannot stand the thought of ever being someone who feels as though she is not fulfilled if she does not have a boyfriend—I am perfectly content with spending my weekends watching Netflix, reading, hiking and doing whatever else brings me joy without feeling like I need someone else to provide me with happiness.
7. Where can I even find one of these “boyfriend” things, anyway?
The only thing harder than finding Waldo is finding a Waldo who is also looking for a significant other.
Mom, I promise that one of these days I will cross paths with the man of my dreams and when I do, you will be the first to know. But for now? My single self is doing just fine without a boyfriend.
(All gifs courtesy of giphy.com)