Oscar Wilde once said, “the heart was made to be broken,” but he never did give advice on how to heal the pain. Mending a broken heart is a process, and while the steps to this process are easier said than done, you can get through it! So prepare to read, reflect, watch The Notebook and eat gallons of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream.
Step One: Reconciliation?As the infamous fashion guru, Tim Gunn, says, “Make It Work!” Can the relationship be salvaged? Ask yourself this initially, before you start picking up the pieces. It’s not ideal to “move on” with someone else, and then find yourself still in love with your ex. If you’re in this position between a rock and a hard place, the cliché movie plots won’t work out for you in the end. Try to see if the relationship can be saved before you do anything drastic. Try CPR! Bring it back to life! If your significant other doesn’t want it, then it is time to start moving on without them, for real this time.
Music for reconciliation:“Start Over”- Beyonce.
Step Two: Sweet Release. After a break up you will still have a lot of anchoring emotions, such as anger, guilt, sadness, hatred, pain, and frustration with yourself and your ex. Before you do anything else to get over the breakup, you need to get these feelings out. Whether you’re talking directly to your ex (not likely advised right after a break up), friends, or journal, or simply working out and blaring music in your room, let the emotions out! The release of emotions that are pent up after your heart is broken is therapeutic; you can’t get better if all you feel is anger, sadness and pain. Dance to sad songs like a fool in your room while no one is watching. Join a kick boxing class, and pummel things without running the risk of getting in trouble. Scream into your pillow! Honestly, this is one of the best steps, it will involve hours crying and yelling as you watch romantic movies, shoveling as much junk food to your hips and thighs as you can.
Helpful Tip:Aggressive exercising will help you out more than you think, don’t go causing a scene in public. When you are in the privacy of your own room, scream and punch pillows like a madwoman, or dance like your life depended on it. Your frustration will soon start to melt away.
Step Three: Keeping Busy. After releasing the pain and emotions, you have to start keeping yourself busy. If you’re not, curiosities about your ex will begin to creep into your head, and you will start to feel overwhelmed with the thought that you need them back in your life. If you keep busy these feelings that will start to subside, and you will be able to think about your ex without being angry or lonely. This is the perfect time to pick up a hobby and keep yourself busy. No need to double dip in old salsa, so do something until the craving for moldy food, in other words, your ex, is gone!
New Activity: Crocheting or knitting. These types of projects take up a lot of time. And though this may seem old maid style, it will help you create new, trendy, hand made things unique for yourself!
[pagebreak]
Step Four: Letting Go. During the step where you let go, you have to look at your ex, (figuratively or literally) and forgive them for everything that they have done wrong, and thank them for everything they have done right, as difficult as that may be. Then you have to look into the mirror (figuratively or literally) and forgive yourself for everything that you have done wrong, and praise yourself for everything that you have done right. Letting go is difficult, because this is the stage where you admit to yourself that there is no going back, but this step is crucial for you to continue healing. If you never forgive your ex, they will always have a hold on your heart, which is not fair to either of you. Oftentimes, you think you have let go, but then you simply hear your ex’s name come up, and your heart still stops. Stop lying to yourself, its worse to pretend you’ve let it go. It will hurt, like ripping off a band-aid on your heart, but it too will heal.
Movie for letting go:“Waiting To Exhale”
Funnier movie of letting go:“The Break-Up”
Great Quote: “You have to forgive to forget, and forget to live again” -Anonymous.
Step Five: Loving Yourself! It is difficult to be as happy after a break up as you once were during or before the relationship. For you to find happiness within yourself you have to love yourself. Figure out who you are by yourself. Find out what you like to do, and look for personal quirks that you like about yourself. Get involved in new things, take walks alone, take a yoga class! Be your own best friend for some time. Before you can even dream about loving someone else, you need to first love yourself. There is no one as beautiful, crazy, weird, narcotic, funny, smart, silly, ignorant, caring, loving as you. Love yourself first, and love from others will be drawn to you like honey. Don’t be afraid about being narcissistic, because no one can love you like you can.
Step Six: Reminisce. Finally you will get to a stage in healing your heart when you can reflect on the relationship, the highest points and the lowest points, without being emotionally or mentally affected. Once you get to this stage, you are able to accept everything and start your new life as a new person.
Music of memories: “I Miss You”- Beyonce
“Song Cry”– Jay Z
“Never Forget You”–Lupe Fiasco
Step Seven: Love Purely, Love Deeply, Love Hard.Don’t let one bad relationship hold you back from finding love. Love your friends, your family members, someone else who asks for your heart, and most importantly love yourself much more. At the end of a break up you need to understand that hearts do break, and they heal. Understand not to let your fear of being heartbroken dictate the amount of love you give or the amount you receive. You will find love, you will find heart-break, but most importantly, YOU WILL FIND LOVE if you are open to it.
There is someone out their for you, because you are out there for someone else. Love is the only good thing we have in this world, it can be withered, but not destroyed.
So go out there with your scarred heart, after your Ben and Jerry’s binge, your new crocheted scarves, and your new killer instinct moves and FIND LOVE! Crank out your cheesy pick up lines, your hope, your eagerness, your loveable self, and go find your next greatest love. Maybe it’s not even a person; maybe it’s a love for a new hobby or interest! After breaking up you feel like you’ve been shot through the heart, you feel like you will honestly not make it through the day. Remember, “this too shall pass,” and your cat still loves you.