If today’s presidential candidates were characters on Friends…
Donald Trump- Monica Geller
Trump has Monica’s knack for insults and instinctive competitiveness. Trump’s hair looks as good on any average day as Monica’s does in a frizzy Caribbean explosion. He hands out insults like Monica hands out sanitation wipes. If you take him on, be prepared to be taken down. In that sense, Pope Francis and Ross Geller have a lot in common.
Bernie Sanders- Ross Geller
They’re smart, but only in categories that fall under “useless information.” Ross has no plan to defend against this cat like Bernie has no plan to defend against ISIS. Bernie is about as good a socialist as Ross is a husband. It’s ironic how dinosaurs died from climate change.
Hillary Clinton- Chandler Bing
Both are constantly living in the shadow of their spouses. They try so hard to be liked that you almost root for them until they make an awkward comment or send classified emails from their private servers.
Marco Rubio- Joey Tribbiani
Rubio likes water. Joey likes food. Rubio’s proud of his family values. Joey has seven sisters. Rubio recites stump speeches about as well as Joey recites lines, and when either one of them messes up, things get awkward.
Jeb Bush- Rachel Green
Jeb is the smart one in his family. So is Rachel, though neither one comes from a line of geniuses. They’re both absurdly rich and burdened by intellectually impaired siblings.