Julian Joseph '11

To most, junior Julian Joseph would appear a normal guy – well, with a penchant for brightly colored shoes and Veggie Heaven T-shirts. Speaking with him, you might notice that he is obsessed with Asian culture, he’s extraordinarily friendly, and he has a huge passion for music and audio recording. But Julian’s diet, though easier to overlook, is intriguingly unique.

Many make the mistake of simplifying his diet, considering him a “vegetarian.” True, he does not eat meat, but that’s only a small part of the things Julian refuses to consume. In addition, he doesn’t eat vegetables, fruits (besides watermelon), pastas, noodles… if it’s not in his five food groups, he doesn’t eat it.

I give you the five food groups of Julian Joseph: Breads, Cheese Pizza, Cheerios, Sweets, and Misc. This is all he eats, and it is all he has ever eaten.  

If this seems like the dream-diet of a little kid – Skittles, pizza, and Cheerios all the time – that’s because it is. Julian formed his special dietary plan when he was only three years-old, and he, like many other toddlers, insisted on only eating his favorite foods. His rightfully-concerned mother brought him to the doctor after a few weeks of this, and was reassured: “Give the boy those same foods over and over again. This is perfectly normal. Kids grow tired of those things and start to ask for new foods soon enough.”

University Health Center dietician Amanda Buller confirms that “kids, especially toddlers, tend to go through ‘food jags,’ but as we mature, the goal is certainly to expand our diet to include new foods and new flavors.”

But, as we now know, though Julian may appear normal at first glance, he is not a “perfectly normal” individual.

Julian cannot understand how someone could ever get sick of these things, not only because they’re delicious, but because each food group is full of its own vast variety, to him. “Every single cheese pizza is different,” he swears. “It’s a whole world of cheese pizzas alone.” Perhaps one can understand drawing this distinction between, say, a Mellow Mushroom pizza and Cici’s, but Julian insists it’s more than that. “Every time I go to Little Caesar’s is a new experience.” And trust me, he goes to Little Caesar’s a lot.

Buller explains, “As time passes and people grow older without expanding their tastes, they become less and less open to trying new foods.” Julian is no exception. Even after a good half-hour of my mom begging him to try “just a bite” of her dumplings, the man stood firm. He is happy with the foods he has now.

The rational question, and the question that undoubtedly follows the revelation of his eating habits, is: “How is Julian alive?” And his answer, invariably, is: “I don’t know.”

Yet today, Julian appears to be not merely alive, but thriving. Nearly 18 years after that first doctor visit, Julian still sees no signs of malnutrition. Oppositely, Julian doesn’t even have a regular doctor now, because he hasn’t had to see one in years. And, while you’d imagine he’d be a picture of obesity, Julian’s quite fit; despite his lack of exercise, Julian has almost no body fat and lots of lean muscle.

But fellow Longhorns, I urge you, do not try this at home. Buller made it clear that “even if his weight is okay, he may still have some symptoms of malnutrition. With such a limited diet, he’s probably deficient in some nutrients, and he’ll most likely feel the effects one day.” She made it clear that, tempting as this diet may sound, it is not actually a good idea. “The keys to healthy nutrition are balance, variety, and moderation… Balance between the food groups, variety within the food groups, and moderate amounts of consumption.” No, not Julian’s food groups. The ones that USDA has set forward.

So despite all those Veggie Heaven shirts he wears (at $5 each, he’s bought 13 different colors), no, Julian has never eaten at Veggie Heaven, and he probably never will.

Photo by Benry Yip. Original.