Trigger Warning: This article contains conversation about childhood sexual abuse as well as general themes of trauma.
Music is its own unique language. It transcends traditional communication, crosses borders and brings people together. For some, it’s more powerful than words. It blocks out the toxic positivity of self-help Instagram infographics and shows a real and raw way to heal. Marcus Mumford, most known for being the frontman of the folk-rock group Mumford & Sons, recently debuted his first solo album. Cleverly named (Self-Titled), Mumford reaches into the darkest corners of his mind and takes the listener through his journey of trauma and healing, showing a vulnerability he never touched with his collaborative work. Mumford took the reigns during most of this songwriting process, telling his story in his own words.
Track one is titled “Cannibal”. A perfect introduction to the album and the story being told with raw lyricism and bold instrumentals. This song reveals Mumford’s experience with being sexually abused as a child. While this was confirmed in an interview with GQ, the lyrics speak for themselves. “I can still taste you and I hate it / That wasn’t the choice in the mind of the child and you knew it / You took the first slice of me and you ate it raw / Ripped it in with your teeth and your lips like a cannibal / You fucking animal”. This opening verse shocks the listener with somewhat gory imagery. He is meaning to make us uncomfortable with the story he’s telling because it’s uncomfortable to talk about. Childhood sexual abuse for men is not something many people discuss. The victims themselves are shamed into speaking out and it can be so hard to heal while being silent. “Cannibal” is probably the most important track on the entire album due to its verity and transparency. All survivors of any form of sexual assault can relate to the heartbreaking lyrics on this track. The focus of the chorus is on his personal denial that the trauma happened in the first place. Survivors often gaslight themselves into believing that what happened to them was not that bad and they may be misremembering details. This is because of the heaviness of acknowledging something horrible happened to you. Mumford ends the track with his vocals repeating the phrase “Help me know how to begin again” which is slightly drowned out by the instrumentals. This in a way represents the darkness being louder than the belief that things will get better. This question does not go unanswered and the darkness does not win as Mumford ends the album with a track titled “How”.
Between “Cannibal” and “How” are eight other songs that focus on the power of healing. “Grace”, the second track on the album, describes Mumford’s conversation with his mother after she learned about what had happened to him. She was unaware of any of it until she heard “Cannibal” and the lyrics. “Grace” is a much more upbeat song than “Cannibal” and provides more hope. One lyric that stands out to me is “And I hear there’s healing just around this corner”. The song as a whole feels like a breath of fresh air. “Grace” is the true beginning of his healing process which begins with him opening up about his trauma and finally facing it.
While he does not go deeply into every meaning of every track, his strong storytelling done through his songwriting almost makes an explanation from him unnecessary. And besides, he is telling his story in the way he knows best which is through music. He doesn’t owe anyone a breakdown of each line. So while some of the other songs have a clear meaning within the lyrics, they have not been explicitly stated by Mumford.
The third track on the album, “Prior Warning” tells of Mumford sitting someone he loves very much down and telling his story. Based on the lyrics, this person may be his wife, Carey Mulligan. The repeating lyric which shows this is “I wish we could play the fools again” which tells of wanting to go back to their relationship before he opened up about his trauma. Working through something similar to Mumford while being in a romantic relationship is not an easy thing. However, he reminds the subject of the song “It’s a problem that is not yours to fix.”
The fifth track on the album, titled Only Child may also be addressed to Carey Mulligan. He calls himself out in this song for “Acting like an only child”, which he is not. This is to say he would not blame his wife (or anyone he loves) for viewing him differently or for no longer being in his life because of the trauma he hadn’t yet processed. He is taking the blame in this situation. This song is important in showing the confusing thoughts that go through someone’s head when they’ve experienced trauma. Mumford is taking responsibility for something that was not his fault because he thinks it will be easier for people to understand. This song is an unnecessary apology which is necessary in understanding his journey of healing.
“Better of High” (track four) debuted as the third single on the album next to “Cannibal” and “Grace”. This time, telling the story of self-medicating and his struggle with addiction. In this song he makes the claim “Better of high than dead.” Despite the serious and deadly subject matter of the song, the instrumentals tell a story of their own: a story of triumph. Mumford has beat these addictions and that is why this song exists. He’s giving the listener another glimmer of hope.
Track six, titled “Dangerous Game” featuring Clairo repeats the lyric “Get me out of my mind”. To me, the song as a whole is telling of the dangers that come with working through trauma, especially 30 years later as Mumford is. While it’s cathartic and eventually leads to healing, the realization and fear is the hardest part of the process.
“Better Angels” follows this song with an ode to “Cannibal” by ending each chorus with “Is this where we / Begin again.” Mumford is telling his story to the people he loves and processing the pain that comes with healing. Now, he goes back to his statement from “Cannibal” where he is begging to know “How to begin again.” Rebirth is a recurring theme in this album as it comes with the healing process. Mumford is ready to learn who he is separate from his trauma and that he is not defined by this abuse.
“Go In Light” featuring Monica Martin addresses the freedom that comes with healing. It has a playful tone compared to the other songs on the album. Mumford explains how he had trauma specialists review the album in order not to trigger anyone by telling his story. He wanted the album to be about healing and freedom and less about trauma. So, a song like “Go In Light” is necessary to his story for this reason.
“Stonecatcher”, the penultimate track on Self-Titled featuring Phoebe Bridgers, addresses his abuser. A stonecatcher is referred to as a person who stands between a crowd and a stoning to quite literally catch the stones. This track was inspired by the memoir Just Mercy which is the story of a civil rights lawyer named Bryan Stevenson. This connection and the meaning of the title makes Mumford’s abuse seem almost like a sacrifice. While he does not enjoy having these scars, he is thankful they were given to him and not someone who would go on to abuse others. “When the cycle ends / When there’s tales to tell / When it reaches me / Let me be a stonecatcher please” is saying the cycle of abuse is so easy to fall in to and anyone else could have passed on that trauma to someone else. However, Mumford did not and his pain manifested in other ways.
And finally, “How” ends the album with a duet with Brandi Carlile. Tying back to the themes of “Cannibal”, the song starts with the lyrics “I had wondered what was done to you / To give you such a taste of flesh”. Once again using the metaphor of abuse as cannibalism, ripping raw with gnawed teeth at somebody else’s skin. There’s a lyric in “Stonecatcher” that has a callback in “How”. The lyric being “I kinda wish you’d just done it in the dark” which is restated in “How” as “I have to say I still wish you had just done it in the dark / So the pictures didn’t burn so bright”. These two lyrics stick out as some of the most jarring and heartbreaking on the album. He knows he cannot undo the abuse he went through and as a six year old, there was nothing he could have done in his power to prevent it, but all he is asking is that he wishes it had happened in the dark. “How” perfectly mirrors lyrics of “Cannibal” in its main message. “Cannibal” shows Mumford confused, begging for an answer with the lyrics “If I could forgive you now / Release you from all of the blame I know how / If I could forgive you now / As if saying the words will help me know how / To begin again.” “How” ends with the lyrics “But I’ll forgive you now / Release you from all of the blame I know how / And I forgive you know / As if saying the words will help me know how.” However, the subject in “How” is unclear. Is Mumford ending this album with using forgiveness with his abuser or with himself? Although the rest of “How” seems to be addressed to his abuser, these lines I find to be open for interpretation. We see his struggle with blaming himself throughout the album and forgiveness for himself would be a huge triumph for him. Although if he is forgiving his abuser, he seems to be doing so forcefully in order to give his mind some peace that truly evil, unforgivable people do not exist in this world. There is no real way to justify sexually abusing a child, but Mumford’s unique perspective as a survivor of it and also a father may try to. Also, Mumford is very open about his faith and Christain references are repeated in many of his songs. So, the forgiveness could be genuine. Whichever way he meant it, he does not make forgiving your abuser a necessary part of the healing process. It is something he has chosen to do in his personal journey.
This album is powerful in many ways. From a more objective standpoint, it has great production, vocals and lyrics. However, the story it tells is far more than the quality of each song. Marcus Mumford is opening up about something he kept hidden for 30 years and showing the different sides of his healing and his freedom. Especially with something rarely acknowledged in media like male sexual abuse, his words hold so much power. With this power, Mumford shows all angels of trauma and healing. This album is not meant to be a Bible to people who have suffered in their lives, but instead his own journey which others can learn from if they wish.