It’s my sophomore year, I thought that I would know a lot more people and have many more friends by now. While I have grown close to a couple of endeared friends since starting my college journey, I have found it difficult to create meaningful connections with new people outside of the people I met on my very few first days at college. In high school, I was a very outgoing and loud individual who made friends with everyone easily. However, since being at college I have found that the environments in high school that fostered new friendships are missing and it is more difficult to make friends than ever before. My social bubble is feeling very deflated and my interactions feel very surface-level. How am I supposed to gain the same meaningful connections I did in high school when everyone here is so busy? Yes, I could petition Maud to put homework quotas on our work so that we all had more free time to chill and hang out, but as that seems unlikely and would take a while to get approval, what should we do in the meantime? The obvious answer left is to make better use of the time we do have to hang out with people. What do I mean by “better use of time”? Choose to spend limited time communicating with people in the deepest way possible to increase chances of connection and get past that surface-level communication. So here are 3 ways I found to increase deep communication and foster a friendship that I hope to implement going forward.
- Avoid “how is/was your day?”
This is a basic question with an automated response from people that yields the same answer almost always. “Fine, what about you?” maybe even end in a list of things they did that day: go to class, do homework, go to practice, etc. Ughh! BORING! If you meet this person even more than a couple of times, you will already know what sort of schedule they have and, therefore, won’t be increasing your connection and wasting your valuable time. Instead, ask them something like What is something that surprised you today? or What was your favorite part of today? or Didn’t you go to _____ today? What was interesting about it? These types of questions will lead to different and unique answers every time and will allow you to learn something new about the person.
- Avoid “how are you?”
Ughh there are only two automated responses for this that everyone gives. Fine or Good. What are you supposed to do with that?! How are you supposed to continue the conversation? AND you learn nothing!!! You still don’t know how they are feeling! Instead, maybe start with an example for yourself that is different from the regular responses of fine, good, tired (everyone at college is tired, it’s sort of a requirement). For example, in psychology, we learned _____ it made me wonder if I do _____. What do you think? And then after you have an enriching conversation about that topic, you can then have a second one by asking them, did your class make you question something? Do any of your professors say something that you’re just like I don’t know if that’s right? These questions can continue your conversation in a way that definitely leads to a deeper connection!
- Use “have you ever questions”
These questions are bound to be interesting and lead to new background knowledge of even someone you know very well already. I understand it can be hard to come up with these questions, so I have just listed a bunch here that I found from Manuel Campos’ blog you can check out here https://englishpost.org/conversation-questions-have-you-ever/
Have you ever done Yoga?
Have you ever spent the night in an abandoned building?
Have you ever seen a ghost?
Have you ever witnessed a crime?
Have you ever lost your wallet?
Have you ever played Free Fire?
Have you ever played Fortnite?
Have you ever watched the Titanic Movie?
Have you ever played cards?
Have you ever fought somebody at school?
Have you ever fallen in love?
Have you ever read a book?
Have you ever drunk a beer?
Have you ever had an accident?
Have you ever danced to electronic music?
Have you ever eaten sushi?
Have you ever gone to a concert?
Have you ever broken a bone?
Have you ever gone to the beach?
Have you ever played video games?
Have you ever gone to the movies?
Have you ever run a marathon?
Have you ever gone fishing?
Have you ever done yoga?
Have you ever made a cake?
Have you ever visited Hawaii?
Have you ever played chess?
Have you ever played soccer?
Have you ever driven a car?
Have you ever gone cycling?
Have you ever been arrested?
Have you ever thrown up on a roller coaster?
Have you ever smoked pot?
Have you ever seen a whale?
Have you ever shot a gun?
Have you been abroad?
Have you ever skipped classes?
Have you ever gone surfing?
Have you ever ridden a horse?
Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?
Have you ever lost your temper in public?
Have you ever met anyone famous?
Have you ever played on a soccer team?
Have you ever cheated on a test?
Have you ever broken up with someone?
Have you ever been bitten by a snake?
Have you ever been robbed?
Have you ever been to an MMA event?
Have you ever tried any extreme sports?
Have you ever seen a car accident?
Where is the best place you have ever been?
Have you ever gotten a horrible haircut?
Have you ever hunted an animal?
Have you ever been to the United States?
Have you ever been to a European Country?
Have you ever shoplifted?
Have you ever been to a zoo?
Have you ever seen an alligator or crocodile?
Have you ever had conjunctivitis?
Have you ever broken a leg?
Have you ever broken an arm?
Have you ever been in a hospital emergency room?
Have you ever worn braces?
Have you ever worn a cast?
Have you ever burned yourself?
Have you ever cut yourself?
Have you ever had an accident?
Hopefully, this is helpful to you! Happy connecting!!!! I’m excited to see if these methods really work and will help increase friendships!