Something that I have always prided myself on in college is my ability to stick up for myself and draw boundaries. Recently, I ended a friendship that was draining, stressful, and too taxing on my mental health. Here was a perfect example of me setting boundaries and no longer settling for someone who drained my energy. However, it took me a long time to realize that this person was no longer good for me.
I do my best to see the good in people and try to find forgiveness where appropriate. However, this person, who I believed to be my best friend, was no longer the person I laughed with and made music with. Instead, they were someone who endlessly complained about how miserable their life was and often shared details of other people’s lives that I felt uncomfortable hearing about.
When I realized I gave so much more than I received in this friendship, I started questioning being friends with them. I desperately wanted to believe this was the same person I had found at orientation years ago. However, when they started belittling me, my work ethic, my friends and made distasteful jokes about personal things I shared with them, I finally started to understand that this was extremely toxic and completely inappropriate.
My friends like to say that I am a very firm person who puts their foot down when need be and whenever my friends had someone toxic in their lives, I would be vocal about supporting them in cutting that person off. However, even though I was championing my friends to get rid of negative people, I was not practicing this in my life. When my former best friend started berating me for no reason, I knew that I also needed to move on and remove that person from my life.
Ending a friendship is never easy, and it is very difficult to say goodbye to someone you have known for years. I questioned and doubted myself when debating cutting this person off for earlier grievances. What pushed me to cut it off finally was realizing that I deserved better and that I needed to be around people who uplifted me and would not cause me to start crying and feeling furious for something that wasn’t my fault. Did it hurt when I ended this friendship? Yes, but the relief and peace I found from no longer having that person around is tremendous.
If you have someone in your life who brings you down or makes you feel lesser in any way, remember your worth and know that life is too precious to be surrounded by those who drain your energy. Think of the people who love you and are proud of you, stick close to those people, and you’ll start feeling better.