As someone who worked in the sex industry, it can be heavy, and to be somewhat therapeutic for myself- here are some of my stories, misconceptions about stripping and general information that I wish I knew beforehand.
Disclaimers
Potential Trigger Warning: assaults, sex work, overdoses and sexism.
I’m not advocating for people to “drop out of school and start stripping,” but I’m in favor of people being educated on the profession. I also strongly support clubs being more equipped to protect and treat their dancers as respected employees- and more importantly as human beings.
Please note that these are my own personal experiences with the industry and may not be the same for all sex workers.
How I entered Sex Work
I started sex work right after I turned 18, at the beginning of the pandemic. Honestly, I can’t say an exact motive for starting. But with a combination of thoughts in my head, (being previously assaulted, being at home due to lock downs and entering college soon with the idea of paying an arm and leg for tuition looming over me) I decided that I wanted to try it out. I started as a cam girl, and to be completely transparent- it was really easy and quick cash. The nice thing about working online is that you can block certain locations so that anyone who lives in those state(s) will not see your page; it made me feel extra safe posting/camming. I would hop online for a few hours, put on my persona and I would have money. Easy, right?
Working at my first club
Flash forward almost two years later, and I was camming here and there. However after a nasty breakup with a co-worker, I decided that I wanted to “go big or go home,” and I started dancing at a strip club. When I tell you auditioning at a strip club is one of the most nerve-wracking things ever, it really is. I started out at a very, and I mean *very* shady club (which was a major mistake). I was working at a fully nude club, and I made around a grand a night. Customers bought me luxury perfumes, I had my own business cards, my tuition was already paid for, I bought a brand new 2023 car and I would literally lay on the floor with hundreds and hundreds of one-dollar bills; I was living the dream.
However, it quickly turned into a nightmare. Due to the club not having security, customers would often step out of line and make the girls feel uncomfortable. On top of that, one of the girls there threatened to “dox” me (meaning that she had a recording of me saying my real name and personal information, and she threatened to leak it). After about three months, I decided to leave after management called me sexist slurs on a phone call.
I know I’ve talked a lot about the negatives of my dancing experience, but there absolutely were some positives. Not only was the financial freedom wonderful, but working with some girls who’ve experienced the same things I’ve been through was really nice. On slow nights, we would order a pizza and have fun dancing and doing pole work. Sure we would sometimes deal with old, smelly gross men, but we were all in the same boat together.
On to the next club
Soon enough, I started dancing at a gentlemen’s club, which was only topless. I only spent a few nights there before ultimately leaving dancing as a whole due to personal reasons. However, my time there was so much better- there was proper management and security, and overall I felt like a respected employee. They even had a house mom who hand-sewed gems into my outfits. I absolutely loved the atmosphere. They had the main stage with a pole all the way up to the ceiling, a champagne room that overlooked the stage and a bar stage; it was so much fun! If it wasn’t for my extremely bad experience at the first club, I probably would have worked there longer.
The honest truth
I really want to be transparent, since this is my personal story, and the honest truth is that there are shady/dangerous things that happen in clubs (especially at non-gentlemen’s clubs). There is extreme drug usage and abuse in the club scene- that have resulted in overdoses. You can actually lose money due to house fees/tip-out fees. On top of that, certain clubs are known to have “extras,” meaning that it’s well known that the girls provide escort services in the club. Clubs are also prone to violence, and most dancers I have met have experienced at least one form of assault during their work shifts. The world of the sex industry is not all glamorous with customers popping champagne bottles and $100’s being handed out like candy like some movies portray it to be.
Personally speaking, I have been in some uncomfortable situations due to customers not respecting dancers. One of my go-to horror stories is of a customer literally puking all over me, or when a customer randomly licked the inside of my ear- and yes, management refused to kick him out at my first club.
As stated before, I left dancing, and I don’t have many regrets. I acknowledge that certain aspects of my previous profession negatively impacted my overall being- but in some ways, it was my form of coping. I often get the question “How can someone who has experienced sexual assault in their lifetime, voluntarily put themselves in a dangerous situation or environment where you are seen simply as only an object for the male gaze.” My response has always been that I feel that no matter where I go, I will always be seen as an object, or since I will always experience uncomfortable situations, I’d rather put myself in a situation where I finally gain something (suchas money). Yes, I realize that this may not make sense to people, nor is it the healthiest but this is my thought process.
Currently, I am in ongoing therapy services to unpack the trauma that I had before, during and after dancing. I want to be in a healthy mindset before going back into the scene. However, I still have my online websites up and active.
I wish I knew
To start off, working in the sex industry takes a toll on your mental, emotional and physical health- which I did not fully understand until I got into it.
I wish I started in a more established and trustworthy club. A lot of the trauma that I am currently unpacking is a result due to the first club I started working at.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to show my face, cover up tattoos or wear a wig, let alone pick a solid name- which made my dancer and online persona so confusing. It was so hard to decide on a name for myself when there are tons out there. Some of my favorite names are flowers (ex: Rose, Lavender, Ivy), and maybe a little controversial but I hate any gemstone names (sorry not sorry).
Sad to say, I do not know how to pay “normal taxes,” yet alone as an independent contractor. Yes, if you did not know, sex work (even Only Fans) counts as an independent business. During my time dancing, I ran into girls (and even managers) who swear that they have never paid a cent, and the government never caught on to them. This is not great advice, but I listened because I did not know any better. Now, I am months behind in keeping track of bills, receipts and everything else that is needed for tax returns. However, I am so *so* grateful for the financial advisor that I currently have (who is a former sex worker).
Something I regret not doing is that I should have decided firmly on my boundaries and not let anyone go past them- money is not worth destroying my overall well-being. Last but not least, I wish that I packed up my heels and RAN as soon as I felt uncomfortable. I was so brainwashed into thinking that this is the life of strippers, and this is how ALL clubs were run. Yet, I realized at my second club that there are clubs out there that will keep you safe and there are good customers who will treat you with the utmost respect (and pay you like it).
