How long have you known your oldest friends? Do you remember how you befriended them?
I’ve known my oldest friends for almost 18 years now, and that’s because we happened upon each other on the slides at the park. I’m older now and befriending someone in a park is not something I can do. As we grow, personalities and methods of socialization change. Someone you were friends with at the age of 8 might be a stranger to you now. As you move through different stages of life, friendships and dynamics shift – such is life.
Making friends that are lifelong is something that is both in and out of your control. You can seek it out, respect the person, and try to cultivate that friendship, but it may or may not work out.
College is a great place to start anew with diverse groups of people. It’s okay to be apprehensive, but friends are made through effort and consistency. Here are a few things you can do to maximize your chances of meeting your new college BFF.
1. GO TO CAMPUS EVENTS
Chances are, your university hosts a wide range of events to welcome students to campus and to celebrate the start of a new semester. Craft nights, open mic nights and conferences open up avenues for great conversation and attending these events will connect you with people who are enjoying the same activities, so you already have something in common. Talk to them about their favorite artists or hobbies – who knows, maybe you’ll find someone with more interests very similar to yours.
2. TALK TO PEOPLE IN CLASS
You are going to see the people in your class a couple of times every week for an entire semester. Talk to them about their interest in the class, and if they respond positively to your questions, keep it up! Be consistent with your interactions. Try to join study groups so you can see them more often and get to know them better!
3. SAY YES
Being a new student in a new environment can be painfully overwhelming, and while retreating into a shell may seem comfortable and safe, it will hinder you from new opportunities and relationships. If someone in your class invites you to a group hangout, say yes! If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, it is fully okay to say no. In a safe environment, try to step out of your comfort zone and see where it takes you. Say yes to volunteering, checking out a new coffee place, or even to trying a new sport. It will keep you active and will introduce you to a wide range of new people.
There is no exact formula to making friends. You might stumble and fall in the beginning, and many of your socialization attempts might also fail, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end. College is filled with new students who are in the same boat as you, and it’s okay to not have a large group of friends right at the very beginning. You will always find people you vibe with; it is only a matter of time.
Remember to be yourself and don’t change to fit in. A true and authentic connection with someone else can only be made if you are true and authentic to yourself.