If you’re like me, you aren’t in a long-distance relationship, but you also aren’t ten minutes away from your significant other. This is a term many refer to as “mid-distance;” that awkward separation that isn’t extremely far but isn’t close enough to make plans on a whim. It can be tough, but I’ve learned in just a few short months how to conquer it.
My boyfriend and I started dating in September, so our relationship started by being mid-distance. We had to learn how to build a foundation from afar, and it wasn’t super easy. Plus, it was the beginning of our relationship, so we were fully in the honeymoon stage. Now that we’ve gotten through a semester (and then some), here are my five pieces of advice for achieving success.
- Plan, plan, plan
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Planning is key when you’re far apart. When we first started dating, my boyfriend would sometimes tell me he was coming to visit on a certain night, then he’d end up canceling at the last minute. It was never for malicious reasons, but I eventually expressed to him that having loose plans wasn’t working for me because I’d get my hopes up and then be let down. We worked together to figure out the best method of planning, and even if that meant we saw each other a little less often, it was better to know that each plan would be followed through with.
- Don’t overthink
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I am a big overthinker — no doubt about it. This is especially true when it comes to my relationship. Whether it is about a misconstrued text, a bad day on either end, or just a small argument, I tend to spiral and jump to the worst-case scenario. This has led me to say things I don’t mean, act on emotions, and pull away in terms of communication. I’ve learned that the things I usually overthink are either not as serious as I believe or just not true at all. While I do always validate my feelings, I’ve learned how to calm myself down and remember that most of my overthinking just comes from the distance.
- Communicate
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This is directly related to the previous tip. I know everyone says this, but communication really is the foundation of any relationship, not even just romantic ones. I’ve learned the hard way that keeping your feelings to yourself is usually never the answer. At the beginning of my relationship, I had a tendency to shut down when I was upset or bothered by something. I have grown to realize that this only heightens the issue at hand, and my boyfriend is someone who I should confide in no matter the problem. After all, when you work together instead of against one another, it builds trust and makes your partnership stronger.
- Embrace the space
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I am a firm believer that even though long or mid-distance relationships are difficult in the moment, they are ultimately better in the long run. Why? It gives each person the space they need to live their own lives and remain independent individuals. I know for a fact that if my boyfriend and I went to the same school, we would be together 24/7. Not to say that’s a bad thing, but I think at the end of the day we would miss out on important time with our friends. We have our own lives at school that include different class schedules, different work schedules, different friend groups, and different weekend plans. I have always taken pride in my independence, and I know he feels the same way, so I often remind myself that there are positive aspects to being apart.
- Remember the end goal
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Among the other tips, this one is all-encompassing. Through every late-night phone call, canceled plan, and long period spent apart, the end goal has always remained the same: sustain a healthy, stable relationship. It’s also important to remember that being far apart is not a forever thing. We’re both graduating in May, and we will be so much closer together post-grad. Plus, our schedules will be much more aligned, given we’ll both be working 9-5 jobs during the week. That’s not to say either of us is rushing the end of senior year; we’re just reminding ourselves that, when things get a little difficult due to the distance, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
No matter what type of relationship you’re in, it takes time and effort. Feeling happy, healthy, and fulfilled are the most important things, and the distance is a small price to pay for that.
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