It has been almost a year since I’ve committed to Thomas Jefferson University, and yet I only recently came to terms with and accepted my school for what it is. A little late, right?
Thomas Jefferson University (shortened to TJU) was not my first choice. It was my third – being the school I’d go to if I did not make it into my reach schools. And I didn’t. I made two attempts at Ivy Leagues and received rejections from both. Coming from an academically competitive school, I felt stupid and unworthy. People all around me were accepted into these prestigious colleges and universities and while I do recognize my privilege of even attending a college, I couldn’t help but let some of the feelings developed from my environment seep into my psyche. I grew a little bitter, but after settling in a little bit, I realized that I was a little dramatic – a product of being slightly overwhelmed at the time.
A friend recently told me, “I feel like every person matches their college.” And to that, I replied dumbly: “What?”
It felt a little out of touch, with her at an Ivy League and me, bitter about being not with her. But as she started to explain, I started to understand what she meant. All that unresolved and bottled-up bitterness that I pushed to the back of my thoughts caused me to be unavailable the first semester. Sure, I made new friends, joined clubs, and picked up an on-campus job, but to me, I was simply “going through the motions.” I didn’t truly enjoy those things and I found myself always feeling like an outsider – never in the present moment and always caught up in the “what-if” fantasies I had about going to other schools. Looking back at my first semester, I realize I was blind to how well I fit into TJU’s student body.
A little quiet, yet earnest, TJU’s student body appears much quieter than your average campus. With only a couple thousand students spread out on a grassy campus, TJU is perfect for introverts like me. This is a very superficial comment, but it goes a little deeper than that. Small class sizes, like my middle and high school years, an extreme amount of walking, which I enjoy, and the emphasis on the professional world, which reflects my passion for my goals, accurately reflect some of the core values that I prioritize. Rather than this school fitting my needs, I feel as though I fit this school, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
I think that these feelings are normal, but I do wish that I had come to this acceptance a little sooner rather than wasting a semester away. It’s okay to feel disappointed at your committed school, but instead of wallowing in self-pity and looking elsewhere, maybe it is best to look at what is already around you and enjoy it for what it is. Saying that the school that rejected you is bad or even that the college that you go to does not matter in the long run will not help your bitter feelings. Acceptance comes from appreciation, not settling.