The famous Bollywood line, “Kuch pane ke liye kuch khona padta hai (You win some, you lose some),” really applies to the fest season of Delhi University. Every day there is a fest, a competition, an important class, or a test, or we are just so tired from the last day’s toils that waking up the next morning is just impossible. So, how and what do we prioritize now? How do we make sure that the next option we pick is the correct one and that we won’t have any regrets later? The simple answer is to listen to what we really need. Instead of following the crowd into oblivion, we need to ask ourselves whether the said task suits our interests or not. Is it what we really want to do? Or is it just another Instagram story or a LinkedIn moment?
“Kuch pane ke liye kuch khona padta hai”
I don’t want to sound too preachy, but this might be the only option to preserve our individuality and mental health. By taking the load off our brains of the many to-dos, we can increasingly create an environment that will enable us to rest, without guilt or shame of being left behind. We can lose ourselves and our identity in a rat race, by fulfilling expectations that do not feel authentic to our values, by not listening to our little voice of guidance, etc. To get a better perspective on this idea, let’s mull over a quote by Frank J. Ninivaggi who, via his essay, takes a look at reflections gleaned from over forty years of psychiatric practice. “Most learn to become satisfied with the established course of their lives, immune to the possibility of a “higher” self-development. The pursuit of turning off “auto-pilot” is seeking more of one’s unexplored essence behind its conventional residue. Often, the impulse to change is prompted because one feels a failing state of self and what it has to offer.”
“The pursuit of turning off “auto-pilot” is seeking more of one’s unexplored essence behind its conventional residue.”
-Frank J. Ninivaggi M.D., DLF-A.P.A.
The above idea, and the concept of the rat race proposed in the essay by Frank J. Ninivaggi M.D., is what we continuously grapple with and go through in our lives. The tumult of finding one’s identity is ever-present, be it in our teens or twenties, as our definitions of everything around us change with a shift in our priorities. So, while there are various ways to lose oneself while discovering one’s identity, the only right one seems to be to give in to music.
And after a few missteps and potholes, anyone (including you and I) can master the art of making decisions aligning with their value system, what feels right to them, and what makes them feel aligned in what they think, speak, and do. “Suno sabki, par karo apni (Listen to everyone but do what you believe to be right).” This frequently used ‘filmy dialogue’ in Bollywood movies sounds like a teaching right out of Aastha channel (an Indian channel that teaches spirituality) but also makes a lot of sense.
What can be a greater feeling than the ability to completely trust one’s judgment and then stay true to it? Ever seen M.S. Dhoni play? That is self-conviction that takes practice and develops insofar that when in confusion, even the umpire trusts the player. Start taking responsibility for your actions, as you put a lot of thought and hard work into it. Don’t be swayed once you have arrived at a decision. Trust your intuition and intellect, as who will if it’s not you?
“Suno sabki, par karo apni.”
As Dr Steven Mintz says, only we can find the formula for ourselves. Let us allow ourselves to shed the old skin and become what the situation requires. If you want to attend a policy event, go ahead! But do you also want to go to a cultural fest? Well, then it’s a sticky spot. But which event is more popular in your social circle? What are your peers participating in? In that case, go ahead with what you truly desire. It’s not a problem if your priority is to hang out with your friends. However, if you really want to present a paper, then go ahead with the policy event. But if all your motivation stems from a LinkedIn post, and what you really want is to taste your home food in the cultural fest, then ditch the academics. What can be better than having good food with zero regrets?
The point is, events come and go. No matter what path you choose, all events that seem like the axis of your world now later become a sweet memory. Remember your school days. Do you really regret ditching school for your friend’s birthday party? Or participating in a competition and losing? Or fighting with your friends? Ultimately, even ‘bad’ decisions become good memories.
“Don’t let FOMO be your North Star.”
Our memories and experiences are the total of who we are. Our decisions are simply a reflection of ourselves at the core. Maybe who you are today will not agree with who you might be yesterday but that is a testament to your growth. Who would like to stay stagnant? There is no ‘one’ right path or one strategy that suits all (competitive exam peeps must know all about it). We continuously need to reinvent ourselves and stay in touch with our priorities that satisfy our academic needs, friendship goals, family engagements, and personal promises.
So if there are two overlapping events tomorrow, trust yourself to make the best decision. Don’t let FOMO be your North Star. Instead, go with the flow of your beat. And if everything fails, akad bakad bambe bol (a rhyme from a game played by kids in India to decide the odd man out, or make a choice between multiple options) has been a time-tested and scientifically proven strategy to get out of these spots and let destiny take its course (but you do know that it’s just a combination of 16-beat rhythms that will always end on the opposite option that you started counting from and is a subconscious reflection of what you truly desire? Right? Right?). Happy fest season!