During the last few weeks, most things about my life have changed: my address, my independence, and the financial debt I am now in. One thing that has stayed constant is my relationship with my boyfriend, Anthony. Since I moved to St. Bonaventure, we are in what some call a “medium distance” relationship. It’s not quite a long-distance relationship at only an hour and a half ride to see each other, but not together in the same place.Â
I’ve been with Anthony for two years, and miss him like crazy. As it’s only the beginning of the school year, we’re still in the process of forming a routine that works for us. It’s hard to find a routine that works for both of us, while also making sure that it makes our relationship continue strong. An important part of that routine is the rules that we’ve made for ourselves that make sure that we both feel secure while being away from each other. Here are 4 rules we’ve worked out:
Rule #1: One call a day
This is something that I brought to the table. I found that in the beginning, I called him every chance I could, anytime that I had quiet time. The more I continued this, the more I found our calls got watered down and repetitive. We both agreed that in order to keep our relationship fresh, we would only call once a day. This was it made sure that we had something to look forward to and were excited to tell each other everything about our day.Â
Rule #2: No distractions while on the phoneÂ
I know this is something that he really appreciated from me. I have a habit of becoming distracted and not giving my full attention to him. So, every time we call (once a day), I put away all my homework, I get off social media, I tell my roommate that I’m on the phone, and I give all my attention to the conversation that we are having. This goes both ways. We want to listen to each other. We want to make sure both of us are secure in the fact that we want to talk to each other and not ignore them for something else. It also makes our calls a good way to decompress because you’re taking a break from everything else happening around you.Â
Rule #3: No left on read
         This is another thing that I struggled with on the first few days away from him. I would open a message, read it, and forget to respond. With everything that was happening, I just felt as if I didn’t have the time to respond to what I had read. This, understandably, made Anthony feel upset because he thought that I was ignoring him and what he had to say, but that could not be further from the truth. So, we agreed that we would only open the messages when we had time to respond, to give due attention to the messages and what each other has to say.Â
Rule #4: Be understanding
         If he can’t talk one day, I understand. If I fall asleep 5 minutes into our phone call, he understands. If one of us breaks one of these rules, we communicate and understand. We both acknowledge that we have lives outside of each other and our relationship. We give leniency to each other, so we don’t feel pressured in our relationship. This is probably our most important rule because each of our lives is constantly changing, and we need the space to navigate those changes. It makes our relationship stronger to know that we are both growing as people and that we will always have each other to rely on.Â