This might be a hot take, but somebody who is really your friend would never lie to you. Hi, I’m your friend Nikki, and I want to delve into this topic as it is something that affects virtually every person I know. I’ve noticed that in our day and age, especially on campus, it is very uncommon for couples to meet/date organically. Disclaimer: there are many successful dating app relationships, don’t get me wrong.
Although it does make me wonder; why is it so popular? After doing some research, watching videos, reading articles, asking and recounting comments I’ve heard from my close friends who are active on apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, I think I can narrow it down for you guys.Â
In general, forming relationships in this generation is difficult since most of our world is virtual. It is easier and per se “more convenient” to communicate online since it is a space where social repercussions like awkwardness and rejection barely exist. It is comfortable, less of a threat, and addictive. I don’t think any of us should be surprised at the addiction factor, we are all basically glued to our phones, and it would be problematic to deny that.
Essentially, on a dating app, you are shown a huge photo, with some fine print. Besides the fact that it is extremely superficial, every single time you see somebody attractive or match with somebody on the app it is an automatic dopamine hit to your brain. Now every time you go on a date with somebody, your brain is barely giving them a chance because they are addicted to those dopamine hits. Constantly knowing there are tenfold options at the tips of your fingers, when you may have a really great person right in front of you, it is really easy to move on to the next before anything unfolds. Aka forming a toxic cycle of swiping, mixed in with some ghosting. I have even had some of my closest friends tell me they had to delete Tinder because it got too “addicting”.Â
Do you really think Bumble’s goal is for you to find true love? Not really… Just like most social media platforms, these apps operate on an algorithm. Researchers say that these apps work on what is called a desirability score, or ELO. The more people you match with those you swipe right on, the more “desirable” you are considered, and your profile gets boosted to more people. By showing you more attractive people, Bumble hopes you won’t delete the app. Those who don’t have a high ELO score have the option that many people cave into, called “Tinder Gold”, or “Bumble/Hinge Boost” where they pay to get their profile boosted. Either way, the goal is for more users to stay on the platform, and desirability scores are based on superficial criteria. This does not guarantee a successful relationship or a good partner. They want you to keep swiping, so they can keep making more money.
That is the cold, die-hard truth my Her Campus readers. The most dangerous part about this whole thing, other than the fact that you are being set up with complete strangers, is that the superficiality of it all can turn into exploitation of love; these platforms turn your profile into a product, one to make profit off of, and the dynamics of these apps that exist and continue to be created are incredibly transactional. I had no idea what “ghosting” meant until my close friends started using Tinder. This isn’t as simple as buying a new pair of fuzzy socks off of Amazon, when YOU become the product, one that involves your time, attention, and feelings. Love is something much more sacred than that.
So as your friend, let me give you a piece of advice. If you haven’t been successful on dating apps and you truly resonate with any of this information, the power to break this cycle is in your hands. Be bold and be real, do not be afraid of rejection/embarrassment, and submit yourself to a virtual dating experience. Put yourself out there! Join clubs, sit in a crowded row during lectures, or buy Starbucks for the cute boy behind you in line. You got this and just know that I am cheering you on.Â