Moving away from home for the first time is a common experience and one almost always followed by a sense of independence that is simultaneously exhilarating and paralyzing. You’re surrounded by new people, and it can feel like everyone around you is in a constant state of extroversion. If you prefer to be alone, you think you’re not ‘fun’ enough, whereas regularly spending time with other people seems like an indicator that you’re happy. Faced with this situation, I found myself feeling as if there was only one right answer to finding joy. In reality, I’ve found that happiness can come from both independence and spending time with others.
I think that when most people think of happiness, what comes to mind is a type of intense joy classified by laughter and conversation. In my experience, this form of happiness is born from being around others. It’s very loud, exhilarating, and, at times, even exhausting. Yet, when we share our happiness with others, we feel a sort of reassurance that the emotion we are feeling is real. Validation in this manner is what makes happiness feel so extreme in the context of being shared. In comparison to such intense shared happiness, happiness alone can feel meaningless. In order to overcome this stigma, it’s important to consider what happiness really is.
As defined by Merriam-Webster, happiness is “a state of well-being and contentment.” Considering this definition, happiness can be just as real when felt alone. During my time alone, I find myself cooking, talking to the people I love on the phone, walking a couple blocks to get a coffee, or really doing anything I find to be relaxing. Although simple, the small things I do for myself when I’m on my own leave me calm and fulfilled.
In my experience, it’s true that extreme vivid happiness isn’t likely to result from time spent alone, simply because there’s no one around to reassure us that what we are feeling is valid. However, the peaceful, maybe even uncertain, happiness that comes from finding fulfillment on your own is no less real.
Overall, my experience has revealed that ‘real’ happiness isn’t determined by the number of people around me. Rather, it hinges on what type of happiness is most necessary for me in that moment, whether intense or calm. So although it can be tough to figure out what brings you the most joy, happiness isn’t only real when shared.