Disclaimer: This article is based on personal experience regarding anxiety management. The following are suggested techniques and mental health advice based on the book ‘DARE: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast’ by Barry McDonagh.
About two years ago, I was scrolling through every social media platform for any help to get rid of my general anxiety for good. Looking at it now, is that even possible? Probably not. Since, by nature, we are still prone to feeling anxiety but are able to reach a pleasant place in our minds where we no longer have to fear the unsettling thoughts.
I was fueling my problem by responding to every anxious thought that surfaced. I was doing it all wrong. However, I came across a book that provided me with techniques to move along with my overwhelming sensations instead of resisting them.
Barry McDonagh is a best-selling author and creator of the DARE program, with hopes to set others free from their mental health struggles. McDonagh published the book DARE: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast after battling anxiety since he was 18. McDonagh went from travelling the world with ease to being afraid to leave his own home.
The book encapsulates an experience that resonates with millions of people who fear taking a step in the right direction due to the daily burden of their own taunting minds. DARE is his most effective technique to encourage others to fall in love with life again after having it taken away by intrusive thoughts. I don’t know how McDonagh read my mind in DARE, but he changed my perspective on life for the better.
DEFUSE
McDonagh writes an analogy in his book: “Think of anxiety as an energy that rises and falls.” Nervous energy comes in waves and can be compared to when a tide rises over you in the ocean. If you resist this wave, it may throw you around, even scare you. If you move with it, you ride up and over it, flowing with it.
DARE introduces a response to heal those wounded by anxiety through four steps. With that said, the first step of the DARE response is discussing the right way to approach “what if” thoughts. What if I get nervous when I’m at school? What if I can’t find an exit to this room? What if I have a panic attack while I’m driving?
These “what if” thoughts seem to never revolve around the positives, so what I like to do is change that narrative and say: what if I have a great day today? McDonagh makes it clear that one may not be able to stop these thoughts from coming, but it is beneficial to control a response with the “so what” attitude. I have survived it before, so now I treat it like it is no big deal.
Allow it
After using the defuse method, McDonagh suggests accepting the anxiety and allowing it to manifest in whatever way it wishes. By nature, we often resist an uncomfortable feeling by running away. You know when people say face your fears? I didn’t realize the truth of it until I read this book. We will always be stuck in a state of fear if we constantly try to stay far away from the problem.
I took anxiety by the hand and called it my friend — you probably think that I’m out of my mind for wanting that. But I’m where I am today as I dropped the “what if” resistance and was willing to embrace any level of anxious discomfort to heal.
run towards
Anxiety will not hurt you. It’s nothing more than a wave of energy whirling through your body. McDonagh says, “It is your interpretation of this energy that causes the problem and traps you in the vicious cycle of fearing fear.”
I recognized the impression of “butterflies” in my stomach when I felt nervous. Excitement mimics the same feeling. So, I told myself I was excited by this feeling, hence running towards the anxiety. I changed my perception of the emotion and chose not to feel threatened.
Engage
McDonagh says the final step is to stop checking in to see if I feel fine. To prevent reeling back into a state of worry, I engaged with something that took up my full attention, like having a conversation with someone, doodling, or even listening to the lecture in front of me.
While also introducing the DARE method as an informative appeal, I appreciate how McDonagh is able to write in a first-person perspective as if he is experiencing life with the readers.
With that said, I give all of my thanks to the DARE response. I healed after I chose to feel comfortable with my anxious discomforts. No matter how deranged I think my thoughts are, other people are suffering in silence just as much.
I stopped thinking about what could happen to me every couple of minutes, stopped checking in to see how I felt and chose to be okay with not being okay.