What to listen to when the freshers break-up curse hits

It was the love that was supposed to last forever… until it wasn’t.

I am almost ashamed to admit that I was amongst the annual set of freshers who believed they could pack up their hometown relationship and bundle it into the car with them (don’t worry I didn’t actually kidnap this man, although in hindsight there was a certain hostage feel to the relationship). While this method may, and often does, work for the few star-crossed freshers out there, I sit here in my third and final year, ruing the time I wasted blindsided and heartbroken in what was supposed to be the most feral and exciting year of my time at Bristol. The only thing that sped up the process of heartbreak was music; not just your typical cry under the covers stuff (but we will get to that don’t worry), but the music that makes you want to slash their tires, tear up all the moon pig cards they ever gave you, scream into the darkness of the night after routine Instagram blockings and launch into sporadic rants about how they changed the way they kissed you. We also can’t forget the music that makes you believe you ARE sexy, you ARE loveable, and most importantly you ARE better than them.

One of my best friends told me that in every musically fuelled breakup you need three playlists: the typical ‘sob until I’m dehydrated’ collection, the ‘I hate you and everything you are making me feel’ playlist and then, when you’re emotionally stable, the ‘I’m ready to let this all go’ anthem compilation. If you skip a step, you will never move on (or so she told me.)

So, without further ado, here is my level one starter pack to the ultimate breakup mixtape:

Sob until I’m dehydrated

21 – Adele

An album that can only be described as melancholy on my best days and gut wrenching on my worst. The 21^st Century love ballad queen Adele kicks us off with her album that gives us the nostalgic hits of ‘Rolling in the Deep’, ‘Turning Tables’ and ‘Set Fire to the Rain’. No breakup is complete without Adele evoking running mascara and snot bubble blubbering. It’s a staple for every noughties baby.

Red (Taylor’s Version) – Taylor Swift

As a Swiftie, I couldn’t skip out her best album (I said what I said) and it’s her best for all the breakup reasons imaginable. The song of the last few years, ‘All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version)’, is so famous for a reason. It’s a daring diatribe against Jake Gyllenhaal and his destruction of her innocent girlhood that is produced so impeccably it simply forces us to relive the highs and lows of our first big break-up. And let us not forget the haunting fade-out ending that leaves us wondering when our entire love story became a ghost. The whole album is a masterpiece on love and loss and could be placed into all of these categories, but particularly heartbreaking songs include ‘The Last Time feat. Gary Lightbody’, ‘Sad Beautiful Tragic’ and ‘Come Back… Be Here’.

Back to Black – Amy Winehouse

The husky, irreplaceable tones of Amy Winehouse are embedded not only into the tapestry of British culture, but the playlists of broken-hearted girls everywhere. ‘Back to Black’, arguably her most iconic track alongside ‘Rehab’, feels as jagged and dark as the heartbreak itself and the line ‘I died a hundred times’ is so simple in the way it crushes me time and time again. The notion of going ‘back to black’ in itself applies to a first love, and the feeling that you are returning to your life before, as half the person you once were. The melody stands right on the precipice of depressive before tearing us back into the soothing presence of Amy’s vocals. A chef’s kiss worthy breakup anthem.

Other, honourable mentions:

The Night We Met – Lord Huron, Jealous – Labryinth, Apologize – One Republic

I hate you, sincerely

Bust Your Windows – Jazmine Sullivan

Think Glee (my pinnacle of modern pop culture with Mercedes bashing in Kurt’s windscreen when he rejected her), think unleashed, unadulterated diva energy and mostly, think sweet revenge. ‘Bust your windows’ does exactly what it says on the tin – it clearly takes Carrie Underwood’s ‘Before He Cheats’ and gives it a R&B revamp, whilst still maintaining that the best way to hurt a man is to smash up his car. While I don’t advise this, publicly at least, this old school, upbeat track inspires the type of unhinged revenge fantasies that a heartbroken girl thrives on.

F**k You – Lily Allen

Does this song even need a description? Read the title girls and have your life changed by the most screamable chorus in musical history

I Don’t F**k With You – Big Sean

Sticking with the theme of expletives and throwbacks, here comes Big Sean. I would love to quote some particularly ‘I hate you’ lyrics, but most of them would need censoring beyond a few asterisks. For when you are looking for a way to convince yourself that you are over your ex, throw this song on and find yourself transported back to the early 2010s.

Honourable mentions:

So What – Pink, Truth Hurts – Lizzo, New Rules – Dua Lipa.

You weren’t Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now

Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac

The ‘Rumours’ album is quite possibly the best album about tumultuous love ever made, with Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks’ demise as a couple laid bare for all to see, but its front-runner for ‘leave me alone now, I need to be happy’ vibes is ‘Go Your Own Way’. Most of the song is pure repetition of the titular phrase, giving a jaunty feeling to the track that bolsters the ‘fake it until you make it’ mantra that runs throughout. Go Your Own Way speaks to a generation that needs to unfollow, block and delete every trace of their ex and simply resist all temptation.

I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor

Gaynor’s 70s hit ‘I Will Survive’ outlines a breakup from the very first feelings of goodbye to totally healthy and healed, with the reappearance of an ex in the middle (how accurate of her). It’s a timeless, up-tempo party hit, complete with all the disco ingredients that will encourage you to swap the tear-stained PJs for some flares. We’ve all heard this tune a million times before, but it just hits different when you’ve survived your first breakup.

Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld

Why do you need someone else when you have yourself? This is the manifesto of Hailee’s track ‘Love Myself’. It’s a simple, classic American-girl pop track of the 2010s about learning to love who you are. Despite the cliché, it remains empowering and energetic enough to make me step out of the hole of self-loathing and believe that I can be loved again and most importantly, loved BETTER by me, myself and I.

Honourable mentions:

After the Storm – Kali Uchis, Tyler the Creator, The Sign – Ace of Base, I Forgot That You Existed – Taylor Swift.

Like I said, these are a few of the stepping stones that only begin the process of cultivating the perfect playlist, so be sure to sprinkle in songs already in your recent rotation and your firm favourites. However, if you stick to these three main ideals, your break-up will seem like a walk in the park (a hot girl walk of course)!

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