Would you rather have loved and lost or never loved at all?
This topic is something that’s been on my mind quite frequently lately. It’s inspired by an Emma Chamberlain podcast that I came across last month. The notion of “loving and losing” is generally viewed from the perspective of romantic relationships but I like to look at it from a broader perspective of loving anyone and anything.
I think it’s a difficult subject because love and loss go hand-in-hand. Where the former is the best feeling on earth, the latter is quite literally the opposite. It’s crazy to think that the two feelings can co-exist in one lifetime, let alone one moment.
I am no stranger to grief – it has been my biggest struggle as a young adult. It has been the cause of most of my tears, of most of my heartache. I have grieved those that are no longer with us, I have grieved bonds that are now broken, I have grieved change and loss of familiarity.
Grief is suffocating. It is all-consuming. It is seemingly never-ending.
It is unimaginably painful.
While you’re in it, it feels as though the world has come to an end. Once you make it to the light at the end of the tunnel and the pain has lessened (mind you, it never fully leaves), it’s possible to see the beauty in such a dreaded-feeling.
“…what is grief, if not love persevering?”
Those poetic words were dropped in the most unsuspecting of TV shows – Wandavision circa 2021. They have guided me through some of my darkest moments. You wouldn’t feel grief if there was no love to begin with – and what a dull existence that would be.
It is a gift to love and to BE loved in any capacity.
As I mentioned earlier, love and loss go hand-in-hand in more ways than one. Grief is the result of losing love – whether that be for a person, place or thing. A wise woman once said “Grief is the price we pay for love.” That wise woman is the late Queen Elizabeth II. RIP.
Love is also the key to dealing with grief (though it’s easier said than done and takes time before you’re able to frame it in this way)…remember what you once had.
Let those memories warm your pained-heart. Let them heal it.
A person from my past once told me that everything in life comes to an end at some point. Though it sounds pessimistic, I think that meditating on the temporary nature of life allows us to have a greater appreciation for everything in life.
Our time on earth is limited, relationships end (even the most beautiful ones due to our mortal lifespans), time continues to pass (even if we wish to stay in a moment), people change (and so do places). Nothing in this life is for certain, change ebbs and flows without warning. Knowing that, we cannot take anything for granted lest we wake up one day and it’s gone…
Despite having lost almost everything I once knew, I wouldn’t change it for the world. If I had the opportunity to do it all again, to live my life and feel the mountains and the valleys, the highs and the lows, the utter joy and the world-shattering pain, I would do it again. Without hesitation.
At the end of the day, I’d rather feel love’s departure than feel the absence of it.