Over the years, I’ve taken a LOT of time to self-reflect on my behavior, while also observing other people’s.
To be completely honest, I used to think being mean was cool or some sort of flex, but it was really just me just deflecting my jealousy and insecurity onto others without considering their feelings and emotions.
I look back at my younger self and really wish I didn’t say some of the harsh things that I said to people. Now, I would say that I regret them, but 1: you can’t live in a bubble of regrets because they will eat you alive and 2: I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and we have to learn from our mistakes and just completely move on.
Even looking back at the person I was a year ago, I have not only changed so much as a person, but grown so much and learned from all of those mistakes.
At the end of the day, I am really proud of the person I’ve become, but there is always a part of me that feels conflicted.
Balancing out being away from home, school, sometimes a sport, all while still having a social life can be very tough, as we all know. I sometimes find myself being led astray from the thing that matters most: myself and my personal peace. This may sound narcissistic, but your mental health comes first before all else.
I hate to say it, but somebody out there is always going to be jealous of you, dislike you, speak ill behind your back, and be unsatisfied with the way you handle situations. I’ve been on both ends of that stick and all I can say is neither end feels good.
You’re either someone who is sad with their life so they feel that it would make them less sad to put that pain onto another person or you’re the person being brought down. Sometimes, the person deflecting does this unintentionally, not knowing the pain they’ve caused someone else.
Unfortunately, I am sometimes too understanding of a person and will always try to give that person the benefit of the doubt, but that just gives them the power to continue being the way they are. There is no excuse in the world to ever bring another person down. Ever.
We live in a society of girl’s girls and “girl’s girls” and it’s always the people to make it public and feel the need to announce that they are one that love to talk behind a girls back about things they can’t change, or even just the shirt they’re wearing.
We already live in a world that constantly wants to bring girls down and of course, we all know how hard it is to just be a girl in general. Is it really worth it to make a girl feel that way when you already know the struggles?
It truly makes me sad to see girls calling other girls ugly or criticizing them for again, something they can’t change. Because how sad would it make YOU feel to find out that someone was talking badly behind your back and it “unlocks” a new insecurity that you didn’t think you would have?
There will never be a balance of the way you run your life that will make everyone happy. You can do the most, but feel like you’re doing so little at the same time. I constantly find myself worrying about what somebody is going to say about the next move I make. No matter what that move may be, big or small, it feels like somebody is watching from a distance thinking, “Ew! Why did she do THAT??”
At the end of the day, you have to protect your own peace, whether it be from a stranger or somebody you feel closest to in this world. Not every decision you make in your life will be great, but like I said, you learn from your mistakes and you just have to allow yourself to move on.
As long as the things you’re doing with your life make you happy, that’s what matters most. Surrounding yourself with positive people and small, but beneficial things will make all the difference in the world.