It’s needless to say that Valentine’s Day is a time heavily focused on romance. It seems like everyone is either planning out intricate dates or lamenting their lack of a significant other. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with desiring and celebrating romantic love, I find it worrying to see how it is placed on a pedestal so often.
Romantic relationships are often held up as the golden standard of connection. They’re treated as a homogenous experience that everyone needs to have. From a young age, we are taught to feel pressured to find our “other half,” implying that a person isn’t already whole on their own. We hear that while families move out and friends grow apart, romantic love is the only type of relationship that will last for a lifetime. Many people grow to believe their value is tied to their ability to find love. The obsession over romantic relationships that many people are conditioned into is harmful both on an individual and a societal level.
In reality, a romantic partner isn’t going to be the solution to all your problems. It’s unhealthy to believe that you’re incomplete by yourself; basing your self-worth on something that’s not fully in your control is only going to hurt you in the long run. Also, this belief simply isn’t true– most of us know countless people who are admirable role models yet aren’t in a relationship. A person’s ability to acquire or desire for romantic love has nothing to do with how hardworking, compassionate, or thoughtful they are.
Holding on to the view of romance as an end-all-be-all not only puts unnecessary pressure on ourselves, but it also disregards the other meaningful forms of love. It’s often expected that people should prioritize their romantic relationships above all others. I always found this idea strange, because each type of love fills its own role in our lives, and there’s no objective way to compare them. Our connections with our friends, siblings, parents, and mentors are each unique. Not everyone has the same view of each type of relationship, and that’s what makes building both romantic and platonic bonds so meaningful.
At the end of the day, not everyone will have the same view on love, and that’s okay. Setting limits on how much we should value each type of relationship makes human connection appear black-and-white, when it’s anything but. This ends up making us spend time ranking and rejecting love instead of choosing to love the way that’s true to us as individuals.
No matter your plans for Valentine’s Day this year, it’s important for our own wellbeing to recognize the vast number of things beyond romance that provide meaning to our lives. We should spend Valentine’s Day (and every other day) being thankful for all of the diverse kinds of love we have the privilege to experience. They each have something unique to offer, and they each deserve to be celebrated wholeheartedly.
