Acne is one of those things that a lot, if not all, people struggle with at some point in their life. And yet, we spend so much time and energy being ashamed of acne and trying to hide. You bounce around dermatologists trying a multitude of different medications and topical creams. You start birth control in an effort to control your breakouts. Acne leads many people to try anything and everything because it is so stigmatized. If you relate to this, I understand the struggle and I am here to share my experience with it all: the dermatologists, the medicine, the ointment and the thing people fear the most… Accutane.
I started breaking out in middle school. Nearly 10 years later, I still struggle. In middle school, I did not care that much. Everyone seemed to have acne; it was normal, and no one ever isolated me because of my skin. However, as I got older, everyone else’s skin started to clear up and mine was still horrible. I was so jealous of all my friends and their clear skin. I would get up 30 minutes early to do my makeup before school and always added concealer when I went to swim practice every day. I hated how red my face would get and how bumpy it was. I had to download Facetune just to use the blur feature to feel good about myself in pictures. This self-hatred and embarrassment has not really stopped. While they are better than they were when I was 15, there is still a part of me that hates how my skin looks in pictures next to my friends.
Initially, I will admit that I had a part to play in my skin. I did not wash it and I was swimming in a poorly regulated pool every day. However, when I started to take note of how bumpy my skin was, I started trying. I tried different dermatologists and talked to my pediatrician. It has been at least six years since I first started trying and up until this past August, I had yet to find something that worked for me. I have tried Minocycline, Prednisone, Tretinoin, Clindamycin and the list goes on. If you struggle with acne, I am sure you are all too familiar with some, if not all, these medications. I tried everything and yet as I was leaving to go to Europe for the first time, my skin was the worst it had ever been. I tried to not let it affect my experience abroad, but it made taking pictures hard and added to my morning and night routines, something I hoped to shorten while traveling. When I got home, I decided I was done and I wanted to talk to my doctor about Accutane.
You hear so many stories about Accutane. How you have to take a pregnancy test and get blood work done every month, how your lips basically peel off every day and how achy your joints become. I have always seen Accutane as a last resort. I would only ever go on this medication if I was at my wits end. Going on Accutane meant that my skin could seemingly not get any worse. That is how I felt at the end of this past summer, so I talked with my doctor, and he agreed. The painful cystic acne that throbbed every night, preventing me from sleeping, regardless of how much cleanser I used was the final straw for me.
If you are in a similar place, I want to share my experience thus far with Accutane to help give a personal perspective that might help you choose what to do. This is not meant to be taken as medical advice. Accutane is a very serious medication and the decision to start taking it should be a serious talk you have with your doctor. However, your doctor cannot provide subjective experiences, something I hope to do here to help you feel not so alone.
I have been on Accutane for four months now, and I am so happy I decided to take this step. While it is true that you have to take a pregnancy test and get blood drawn every month, it is not as bad as it sounds. To be honest, as someone who is a bit of a hypochondriac, it is kind of nice to be monitored so closely. I am not personally afraid of needles or anything so that might be your own consideration. However, being able to stay on top of my cholesterol, iron levels and other measures of health has been reassuring. It has also been nice seeing my dermatologist every month, knowing someone is monitoring my health. I will add that it can be a pain to schedule an appointment every. single. month. That is why it is so important to find a dermatologist you like and feel in good hands with. Another rule of Accutane is that you cannot drink alcohol. I did not drink a lot to begin with, so this rule was not necessarily hard for me. However, it is something that is a regular part of your life, I think it is important to weigh the risks and benefits. I cannot make the decision for you, but if cutting back on drinking for six months meant clear skin, I would do it 10x over. As for the dry lips, that is true and it sucks. Just buy a big container of Aquaphor and you will get through it. Regarding the other symptoms, I will admit I have had it pretty easy *knock on wood.* I have had some achy joints here and there but nothing debilitating. A lot of the noise about the side effects comes from the loudest people with the worst experiences. There are a lot of people out there who have had positive experiences with Accutane. Both are important to listen to and to consider, but do not let the loud people scare you.
If you struggle with acne and have tried everything under the sun to make your skin cooperate but are scared of Accutane, I hope my experience can help you make a decision. Again, this is not medical advice and take my story with a grain of salt because everyone’s bodies are so so different. However, I hope I have been able to provide some reassurance that Accutane is not necessarily some scary poison. Accutane can be extremely helpful. It has changed my skin completely and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.