Before diving into this article, I want to clarify what feminism is. I’d like to use the definition of feminism from the Cambridge Dictionary, “the belief that women should be allowed the same rights, power, and opportunities as men and be treated in the same way, or the set of activities intended to achieve this state.” This is what I believe to be the most accurate definition of feminism. Feminism is built upon the idea that we are equal, we should not discriminate against the other, and one is not in debt to the other or lesser than the other.
Additionally, I want to acknowledge the broadness of this subject. I will not be diving into exceptions, special circumstances, or excusing behavior. However, I will describe the shift in my mindset and share my growth with you.
To begin
The first 18 years of my life were spent learning that “women can do anything men can do.” And, it’s true! Some of my most defining experiences have been in situations where I have to collaborate with, compete against, or learn from men. As most women know, doing anything with just women compared to doing anything with men and women are two completely different experiences. Even though no one wants to admit it, it can be challenging to compete with men or try to find our spot amongst them. Being brave enough to do so can make it hard for us to find our voices. In my experience, it’s hard to completely relax. Unfortunately, I have been sexualized, spoken over, and discredited in the name of being a woman by men.
And that can make it absolutely terrifying.
The closer I got to graduating high school, the more I found myself encouraging jokes about boys being dumb, being useless, and being incompetent. I started to find them funny, and I would giggle at other people’s expense.
As I’ve gotten older, I am more able to identify what makes me uncomfortable and fearful. What doesn’t help is that once you get to college, you’re pretty much always mixed in with men! And in the process of becoming an adult, they’re also learning what is okay and what isn’t okay — maturing. And, it can feel frustrating, because I never want to feel unseen. To shorten a long rant, it’s difficult to be patient while waiting for other people to “grow up”.
But, I’ve done some growing too.
Something that I have learned to find so beautiful is the different ways we view life experiences. We are designed in different ways both mentally and physically. I encourage others to use this opportunity to learn about our differences instead of being discouraged. I have wonderful conversations with my guy roommates, my boyfriend, my guy friends, and others that provide me insight into life! If I lived in a world of women, my life would be drastically different. And I deeply appreciate the life I have right now!
I have adopted the mentality of speaking with intention. I do my best to make sure that I am not making people uncomfortable in the name of small talk. I believe that I would laugh at jokes and make these jokes because I was trying to sound like I had control. Is it a way of getting over fear? Are we manifesting confidence? Does putting others down make me feel better? Do I finally feel in control? But the most important question to ask is: by doing this, am I choosing the healthiest method of overcoming my uncomfortable feelings?
I hope that by reading this, you can reflect on your speech. The next time you go to say “men are useless” think about it again. Am I being productive? Am I promoting acceptance, awareness, and humility? Or, do I feel out of control? Being a woman or a feminist doesn’t mean to put down others. I can uplift myself and other women without making men feel unwanted. This way, I am fully welcoming everyone with open arms and love.