Have you ever had trouble getting a person out of your head? The good news is that you’re not alone! Limerence, a term heard in Psychology, Literature, and now on TikTok, even, is referred to as the state in which a person experiences an involuntary obsession with another person, who is referred to as the “Limerent object.”
Some would call limerence the act of being deeply in love with the concept of love itself, but poetic speech aside, this can be very annoying to experience. So, the question becomes how can we stop limerence? Taking a step back, the question may be Have I really ever experienced Limerence? And why do so many authors write about it? Well, I’m no psychologist, and I unfortunately cannot answer the last question, but maybe this article can clear up some of the air of mystery surrounding this puzzling phenomenon.
So What Really is limerence?
As explained by Psychology Today, limerence is the “state of involuntary obsession with another person,” with involuntary being the key. Limerence is an intrusive sort of thinking that creates excitement but oftentimes anxiety and even depression surrounding the Limerent object. Concerns surrounding this person are placed above other more important concerns in your life, and at times it can become difficult to sustain normal relationships from the priority placed on this one-sided one.
Limerence may be very common and something that many people experience at least once in their lives, but it isn’t quite the same thing as simply having a crush. Limerence is less about the character of the other person but more so about the way they make you feel. Another difference is that, with limerence, the value placed on the Limerent object is significantly more than the actual presence they hold in the person’s life.Â
To read more about you can read this article from Psychology Today!
How do I stop myself when I’m experiencing Limerence
I can’t speak for everyone, but I do have a few tricks that have helped me in the past with limerence!Â
Recognizing that I’m experiencing limerence has been a powerful first step alone. Usually when I realize what’s happening, I find ways to rationalize the situation and focus my attention somewhere else. Focusing my attention elsewhere typically looks like putting the energy and feelings into a creative project, such as poetry. If you’re not the creative type, maybe writing out your feelings in a journal can help out as well. Sometimes, focusing my attention elsewhere looks like doing a little cardio or reading a romance. I can’t usually make my feelings disappear but finding healthy outlets of expression and healthy forms of distraction has been imperative to my experience with this.Â
Hopefully, this was an interesting look into limerence, and you remember that your feelings are valid! Even though emotions can sometimes feel lethal, they never truly are.