In my women’s studies class, we recently discussed the excerpt, “The “Nice Girl” Feminist” by Ashley Hope Pérez featured in the book “Here We Are: Feminism for the Real World. In this piece, Pérez highlights the “rules” or norms that society expects women to follow. When women go outside these norms, they are often not accepted the same way others are. Pérez lists four of what she believes are the “Nice Girl” commandments, to which I decided to expand further and create the “Nice Girl” Ten Commandments.
Commandment #1: Nice Girls Do Not Talk Back
Commandment #2: Nice Girls Don’t Meddle
Commandment #3: Nice Girls Should Be Pretty, But Never Sexual
Commandment #4: Nice Girls Should Always Smile
Commandment #5: Nice Girls Should Always Be Grateful for a Compliment
Women are trained from a young age to always say thank you when given a compliment. This idea applies even when what is said may not be considered a compliment. We see this so often with catcalling. When men catcall women, they expect to hear thank you and some even consider it a form of flirting. Then if they do not receive a response, men sometimes resort to anger and insults. This occurrence is something that many women experience every day. Many men sview this behavior as a compliment but really it is a form of objectification of women.
Commandment #6: Nice Girls Can Be Sad But Never Angry
Commandment #7: Nice Girls Are Smart, But Never Smarter Than Men
Through media, women are taught about the idea of the “dumb blonde.” Usually, this woman, or even girl, is blonde with blue eyes and follows the average beauty standard, but she is also meant to be seen as unintelligent. However, when women are meant to be portrayed as smart through movies and TV, they often do not fit the traditional beauty standard and are seen as annoying or know-it-alls. This leads to many women pretending to be dumber than they really are just to receive attention and validation from men.
Commandment #8: Nice Girls Don’t Swear
Commandment #9: Nice Girls Like Things, But Don’t Love Things
Every Sunday from September to February, men put on their favorite football jerseys and head to the big game. They are often betting money on their team or favorite player scoring a touchdown and maybe even drinking a few beers. Those few beers lead to men getting super drunk, taking their shirts off and jumping through plastic tables which, by the way, have been set on fire. Then, their team loses, and they are so mad it puts them in a bad mood for the rest of the week. Then, they do it all over again next Sunday. This is so normal, but when women trade friendship bracelets at a Taylor Swift concert or wear pink to go see “Barbie” with their friends it is obsessive and even portrayed as anti-man (which doesn’t make sense since Barbie emphasizes the problems with both a patriarchy and a matriarchy). But, I believe the problem isn’t with Taylor Swift or the Barbie movie at all, the real problem people have is simply that women love things.
Commandment #10 Nice Girls Are Different But Don’t Stand Out
The societal expectations highlighted in “The “Nice Girl” Feminist” are deeply engrained norms that women are pressured to adhere to from a young age. From suppressing emotions to conforming to conventional beauty standards, these commandments impose restrictions that limit women in their authenticity and result in gender inequalities. Pérez says that we all have the ability to see these rules placed on women, and they can impact the way we act and behave towards men as well as other women. We must all unlearn and break these “commandments” in order to be our true selves. Through these rules defined by society, it becomes evident that overcoming these norms is not simply one’s personal journey but is a collective effort towards an equitable and inclusive society.