What happens to your sex toys when you die?
As a sex educator, sex store worker and overall sex enthusiast, I am here to report that I have no idea. I had never thought about it. Like yeah, Iâm a sexually liberated young woman, blah blah blah, but I still donât want my mom finding and dealing with my hot pink box of treasures if I get hit by a bus.
I had no plan set for this, and I bet you didnât either. Who runs to your bedside drawer when they hear the news? What do they do with the precious cargo? I needed answers!
So, I have taken every ounce of reporting knowledge that the UF J-School has given me, and I have interviewed the most qualified individuals on the subject: chaotic college girls. I asked each of them the question we have been pondering. Though the identities are fake, the ideas are all real and in order of least to most insane. Are they helpful? That is for you to decide:
- âI want them thrown awayâ – Sophia
- âBury or cremate them with me. That evidence is being wiped from the collective memoryâ – Jackie
- âDonate them to the singlesâ – Amara
- âI would put them up for auction and all proceeds would go to a charity of the winnerâs choiceâ – Elain
- âI want mine buried in like a time capsule kind of thingâ – Rebecca
- âBurn them and sprinkle their ashes in the seaâ – Rachel
- âI want to give them to my dogs as chew toysâ – Alice
- âEncase them in resin and put them inside a disco ball. I want it to spin around at a clubâ – Nadia
- âI would donate them to middle school sex ed classes and programs. Get those girlsâ standards high EARLYâ – Emily
- âIâll foresee my death and hide mine deep in a booby trapped caveâ – Amelia
- âSeafood boilâ – Amy
- âI want them in (my) museum, but in confinement where no one can touch themâ – Ally
- âI want them to be glued into a mini sculpture of my likenessâ – Clara
- âI am going to bury them and create lore about a family treasure and leave a map for my family to think they are getting a large sum of money and send them on a wild goose chase to find them. Kinda like âOuter Banksâ.â – Annabeth
- âBury me in a tomb surrounded by them like an Egyptian princess for the afterlifeâ -Mallory
So ladies, we may in fact have more options than we ever imagined. I see a future where aliens excavate our lands and discover some of our historic and sexy burial rituals. Whether you want your toys front and center on display at a museum or youâd rather the good vibes die with you, make those postmortem plans queen!