Being a woman, nothing has been more frustrating in my life than the double standards that come with it.
He’s a leader, I’m bossy.
He’s a passionate sports fan, I’m a crazy fan girl.
He sleeps around and is the coolest guy in his friend group, but I have even just a few friends that are guys and I am names that I will never write into a Her Campus article.
His outfit doesn’t matter, but I’m always either “trying too hard” or “not trying enough”, “showing too much skin” or “not showing enough”.
He is charismatic, I am too talkative.
He is a model student, I’m a “teachers pet”.
He is proud of himself, I am bragging and need to stop.
There are probably hundreds more I can think of right now. Just like Taylor Swifts “The Man” depicts, there have been many instances where I’ve truly been like “If I was a man, ID BE THE MAN.”. The reality of wondering how people would see you differently, and often better, if you were a man rather than a woman, is something that is so difficult and far too common.
I see it as this sort of same mirror, different reflections phenomenon. We are all looking in the same mirror, with the same accomplishments, same feelings, same tendencies, and so on, but one reflection reveals something that is good and right, while the other reveals a reflection of disapproval and even hatred. Obviously, sometimes there are clear differences between men and women, but I am using this in instances like that of which I gave examples of earlier, where your behavior is so similar, but the way it is treated is so different.
Experiencing some of these double standards first hand, especially as a young girl, often made me feel so conflicted. Did I matter less, was I more annoying, was I less deserving? Were my opinions less valuable, was I not competent enough, was I too bossy or rude? Millions of questions plagued my heart. I found myself in many instances longing to be a boy, for silly things like my parents not allowing me to play football and much deeper things such as knowing how hated I was by some just for being a girl.
Walking on eggshells to not allow others to use your gender as a wrongful explanation of your actions is never fun.
Thankfully as I’ve grown, I have become less bothered by these standards, and will always choose to point them out when granted the chance. It is important for people to be aware of how hypocritical they sound.
So many powerful women have defied these double standards, and helped me to no longer allow them to control my life in such a detrimental way.
Simone de Beauvoir, wrote “The Second Sex” in 1949 and challenged traditional roles that women were assigned during that time, and argued that they were far more than what men’s standards deemed them to be.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg accomplished phenomenal career feats, working in the Supreme Court, a place where once women were not seen as people who could even dream of being a part of this area of government. She fought for gender equality and women’s rights, and showed that being a powerful career woman was not up to anybody else.
Emma Watson fights for men to join us in advocating for gender equality, and even with her impressive Hollywood work has never let her opinions be left tucked away. She proves that Hollywood is a place for everyone, and that gender equality is a fight for everyone.
Rosalind Franklin, the woman who inspired my love for science, made monumental contributions to, and laid the groundwork really, for the discovery of DNA’s structure. She paved her way in a male-dominated field, where double standards were probably an everyday headache, and is such an inspiration to me.
Those are only a few examples of women that proved to me, that it is not a burden to be a woman. Of course it is not easy, but it is also something I never want to wish I wasn’t ever again.
We are powerful.
This women’s month, take a minute to reflect on all of the standards you have ever been held to, moments you felt your gender was what was defining you to others, and moments were it felt like the same mirror but different reflections. Not in a negative light, but in the sense that you have gotten through them and continue to prove that you are so much more.