My relationship with my cousins is probably the single thing I am most grateful for in my life. I grew up with cousins around the same age as me who I consider to be like my sisters.
When I stumbled upon an article titled “The Great Cousin Decline”, I was intrigued to learn more about this particular familiar dynamic. In the article, Faith Hill notes that as Americans are having fewer children, the amount of cousins people have is exponentially decreasing contingently. Hill argues that the cousin relationship is a vital one because it isn’t clearly defined. There’s no expectation of what the relationship should look like; there’s no pressure to be close with your cousins. Yet, cousins share knowledge of what it’s like to be a part of that particular family and can be there in times of need despite the level of closeness attached to the relationship. Reflecting on my relationships with my first and second cousins, I agree that these relationships are worth preserving.
Two of my cousins on my mom’s side assume a role as built-in friends to me. One of them is only four days older than I am, and we’ve gone to the same school together our entire lives. Being the same age, going through different stages of life alongside her has been such a special experience. Through periods of being in the same friend group to different ones, we’ve drifted in and out of closeness; but nevertheless, we’re tied together by blood so our relationship has and will never fully fade. The other cousin I’m closest to is a year older than my younger sister, so she’s closer in age to her than I am. There have been times when we’ve been super close and others where we haven’t. Cousin relationships like this can function like a low-maintenance friendship where you can always count on bouncing back into the old rhythm of it like no time has passed. My relationship with both of my cousins could be described like a cross between being sisters and friends. I never argue with them as much as I would with my sister, but we’re all close enough to be open with one another.
Even if you aren’t close with your cousins, merely having other people around your age who you can look forward to seeing at family gatherings and holidays is comforting. I’m not as close with my two older cousins on my mom’s side because they’re older, but I value the relationship I have with them because of that age gap. As someone who doesn’t have an older sister, I look up to them as role models. This gratitude extends to my relationship with my second cousins as well. I was recently at a family party and enjoyed catching up with/re-meeting my second cousins after not seeing them since I was little. We bonded over sharing the same traditions and having similar experiences growing up without realizing it.
Looking at my own family almost like a case study, I do feel like cousins are becoming less integral to the family dynamic, even though they should be. My mom has a total of 38 first cousins, whereas I only have four (but an unimaginable number of second cousins, most of which I haven’t met). Although all cousin relationships are different, including my own within my family, they are valuable in different ways. Familial relationships shape people, and my relationships with my cousins have been the most integral relationships in shaping my life.