I have never met a single person who has had a worse dating life than I’ve had. Whether it’s a boyfriend or a first date, I learned very quickly that many men are simply not right for me. Which is perfectly okay! But sometimes I think boys need to be called out to their mothers for their behavior. Or a reality check. I’d like to go ahead and shout out my current partner for being the most phenomenal partner I could ask for. I’d also like to remind all of you guys as well to keep your head (and standards) high and to be patient. The right person will find their way to you soon! Just make sure to focus on yourself first.
For the sake of this post, I will be using aliases for all the people mentioned in these stories.
my date with waldo
Waldo is the epitome of the ick, respectfully. Actually, no, disrespectfully. I met Waldo on an online dating app and we really hit it off. We would call each other frequently and text every day. It’s essential to note that we only did audio calls, never FaceTime or other video calls. We had a lot of the same interests and very similar backgrounds. Naturally, I wanted to meet him in person. We planned a typical movie and dinner date a week ahead and I was super excited.
He texted me the morning of our planned date and offered to pick me up from my apartment to take us out to a pretty nice Italian restaurant. He lived about an hour away from me and I was super flattered he offered to drive to me in the first place. I accepted and began getting ready to go out with him. We planned to go out to eat at 6 p.m. and watch a horror movie at 8 p.m.
6:30 p.m. rolled around and he was nowhere to be found. I called him to check in and got no response. I accepted that I was being stood up and moved on with the rest of my night. I got a call from Waldo around 7:45 p.m. He told me that he got sidetracked, but that he was already at my front door waiting for me. I was caught very off guard and made the poor decision to throw my clothes back on and go out with him. Big mistake.
Firstly, I opened the door and saw a man that looked nothing like his profile pictures. And I mean, he didn’t even look related to the person in the pictures. I am not one to judge on looks whatsoever, but I was upset at the dishonesty and felt like I had just been catfished. I was so confident he was a different person that I asked who he was and if he was lost. He acted surprised at my reaction and said his name. He asked if I was ready to go.
I reluctantly hopped into Waldo’s car and we started heading to the movie theater. When I closed the door, I noticed a pair of hoop earrings, a Laneige lip mask, and a Sol de Janeiro body cream in the side compartment. Before he began driving, I asked him about the items. Waldo thought it was a good excuse to say all of those items were his and to not judge him for expressing femininity. I’d like it noted that I have no issues with men expressing feminine traits and I like men with soft characteristics. However, Waldo did not have his ears pierced and smelled like a gas station bathroom. So, I did not believe a single word he was saying.
The rest of the car ride was filled with loud screamo music playing while he ranted about his needy ex-girlfriend and horrible relationship with his mother. I asked to talk about something else, and he rejected my offer and continued with his ranting.
At one point he asked me to open his glove box and pass him a tissue so he could blow his nose. Someone, please explain to me why I found a rotting, moldy banana in his glove box. I asked him about it while trying not to gag and he laughed saying he completely forgot it was in there.
We get to the movies and as we are walking in, he opens the door for himself and closes it in my face. He did not just let the door fall closed. No, he actually closed the door behind him in my face. Yes, the worker at the ticket station laughed. I will give him credit for this: he bought my movie ticket. I was still mildly salty about the lack of dinner preceded by the lack of movie snacks, but I digress.
We sat down for the movie and Waldo immediately tried to push the armrest up saying that he, “didn’t want anything to come between us.” Thankfully, that armrest would not budge. Since he couldn’t get as close as he wanted to, he decided to reach over and grab my wrist to move my hand to his thigh. As soon as he let go, I moved my hand back to my lap. This happened about four times in the entire movie. He also used the same method in attempts to get me to play with his hair. I also just moved my hand back.
Ladies, you’ll know what I’m talking about with his next move. The stare. That stare you can see in your peripherals where you just know that if you turn your head he’ll try to get a kiss in. Well, I was not feeling it. I kept my eyes glued to the screen. This worked until he used his hand to manually try to get me to look at him by placing his hand on the side of my face and pulling me towards him. I did not let my head move.
We did not say a word to each other the entire movie and did not have a single conversation (outside the mysterious door compartment discussion and rant session) leading up to the movie. At one point, he excused himself to use the restroom and I began to pray he wouldn’t come back. In retrospect, I should have called my roommate to come get me and run out the door while I had the chance.
After the movie, he complained about how boring it was and he got in his car. He did not unlock the door for two minutes after he sat down. I truly believed he was going to drive off without me at this point. I’d like it noted it was pouring rain at this moment as well. He unlocks the door and I sit in the passenger seat. He then shouts at me to close the door to not get any water in his car. We sat in silence as he drove me home and played more screamo music at a high volume.
I practically tucked and rolled out of his car and started walking to my front door without saying a word. He followed me and stood next to the door. I said thank you for the movie and to have a safe drive home. I tried putting my keys in the door until he intercepted me. He placed his hand over my head on the wall behind me and got way too close for comfort. He started talking about how much he was dreading the car ride home and how exhausted he was. He motioned his head to the front door. I assume he was hinting at spending the night.
Under no circumstances would I let this man into my home.
I said once again to have a safe drive and to let me know when he got home. He tried to kiss me, but I swerved and hugged him instead and sent him on his way. When I walked into my apartment, he stood at the door and kept staring at me. I locked the door and was met with my roommates in the living room. I was sending them updates the entire date so they knew what was up. They also had my location and could see where I was.
Without hesitation, we all began screaming about how icky that experience was. I blocked Waldo before he even left my apartment parking lot. I was so disappointed that I called my dad the next morning and told him all about it. He was amazed by the “lack of chivalry of today’s men.”
I never saw, or heard from, Waldo ever again.
a note about dating safety
I made a million and a half mistakes during my dating life and this story should stand as proof. Oftentimes, I put myself in dangerous situations and give the other person plenty of opportunity to cause harm. Here are some things I learned from my experiences that have helped me lead a safer dating life:
- If you are ever in an uncomfortable situation, you need to leave or have someone come get you.
- Make sure someone has your location while on the date, especially if it’s with someone you met online.
- Be sure to be respectful and to expect the same in return.
- Keep some kind of self-defense mechanism on you. It could be a pocket taser, pepper spray, baton, emergency whistle, etc.
- Don’t settle. There’s billions of other options out there, so don’t be disappointed by a couple bad dates.
- Be safe and have fun!
