Today, our lives are basically defined by social connection and constant activity, so the notion of solitude can be daunting or improperly dubbed as “loneliness.” But those of us who have embarked on the path of self-discovery, willingly or not, will find that being alone can be a sanctuary and a secret to happiness.
To keep a long story short, I was thrown into the world of independence during my late teen years due to family tragedy. It was not my choice to face virtually everything that came my way on my own, but it was the only option. In reflecting on that era, I see clearly what made that independence seem so hard then yet so soothing now. Â
There is a profound difference between being lonely and choosing to be alone. The choice to be alone is a conscious decision to take time for yourself and experience a sense of calm. Loneliness is characterized by feelings of isolation and no option to NOT be alone.
The first step to distinguishing your loneliness from your alone time is a shift in perspective. Rather than fearing solitude, learn to see it as an opportunity to participate in hobbies or simply do nothing after a busy, stressful day. It is important to see alone time as a chance to reconnect with yourself without distractions from the outside world. I realize that this is much easier said than done.
Even if you choose to spend some time alone, you still might not be comfortable with it. For some people, being alone means the opposite of relaxation. Instead, they experience an onslaught of unwanted thoughts. If this happens to you, there are some steps you can take in order to come to peace with yourself.
It is important to acknowledge these thoughts without judgment. Our instinct is to push back and bury them, but they’re not going to disappear; resistance only strengthens their hold on the mind. Instead, attempt to observe these thoughts objectively as they are simply part of the human experience, and these thoughts are often just passing by.
On top of this, practice self-compassion: try not to be so judgmental of your mind. Being kind to yourself in times of distress can help you recognize that you are not defined by your thoughts. You might even try saying some words of encouragement and understanding out loud to reinforce acceptance of yourself and mitigate the negative thoughts.
Other tactics include engaging in healthy distractions that provide joy and fulfillment as well as seeking support when needed, because there is absolutely no shame in that.Â
So, the next time you find yourself physically alone, don’t be afraid to embrace it; search for strength in your solitude. Do not fear the taboo so often attached to spending time alone in your college years. Allow yourself to explore your true thoughts and appreciate a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Just remember, with friends and family, no matter how close or far, you are never truly alone.Â