When it comes to dating and finding people to build a relationship with, there is a common saying: “There are plenty of fish in the sea”. And while that is true, we tend to stay in our own pond. It is very natural to be romantically drawn to those of your same culture, race, or ethnicity and it is sometimes seen as strange when people branch out to date others that belong to different ones. Still, relationships come in all shapes and sizes and my experience dating an American as a Latina has changed the way I view relationships.
When I first moved to the U.S. four years ago, I wasn’t looking to date. This was mostly because I was adapting to a new lifestyle but also because I didn’t see much romantic potential in the guys around me simply because the cultures and views on life, in general, didn’t match up too well. But things took a turn in 2020 when I met this “All-American boy”. He was not typically the guy I’d go for, he was very shy, pretty southern, and very white. But somehow he captivated my attention and we began to date.
The first year and a half of our relationship was straight out of one of the American movies I’d seen growing up. I became infatuated with the American lifestyle and I truly felt like I was living the “American Dream”. He would take me to his big family holiday celebrations where everyone would play games and enjoy insane amounts of food, I’d cheer him on from the bleachers at his soccer games, and we’d stay up late swimming on warm summer nights. Now, I understand that for many this is typical stuff, but for me, it was something I’d only seen on screens and I finally got to live it.
Once we went off to college things shifted a bit. We were growing up, living on our own, and finding out who we were. At this time in my life, I realized that while I loved living out my “American Dream” (in every aspect, not just relationship-wise) I had lost touch with my roots and my culture. Thankfully I found friends that shared my culture and world views that helped bring me back to my roots and I was happier than ever. However, deep down I began to slowly abandon the “American Dream” mentality which led me to question my relationship. After feeling off for a few years, I finally started to feel like myself again. But in my mind, I thought this meant that I couldn’t have both: a multicultural relationship and the identity that made me feel whole.
Thankfully I was so wrong. After thoughtful conversations, he understood and empathized with my situation and although my country and family were thousands of miles away, he began to connect himself to my culture from a distance. He began to learn Spanish and listen to my music, he would dance salsa with my mom at parties and greet all 50 guests at the gathering with a kiss on the cheek. He was doing what I first did and began living out his “Colombian Dream”. Fortunately, after 3 and a half years of dating, I finally get to bring him along to the place I call home.
Now I see relationships in a different light. I’ve realized that our backgrounds don’t have to be completely compatible neither do our lives at home or even our first language to build something great. All in all, I believe that the key to dating outside of your culture is to immerse yourself in and learn to love where your partner comes from, even if there are barriers that seem impossible to overcome because love truly knows no bounds.