Fear of Missing Out
I will soon be halfway through my college journey. It’s fun to look back on all the memories I’ve made and on all I have accomplished. It’s bittersweet to think of how fast these two years have gone, and soon it will all be over. But something that has been weighing heavy on my mind is the worrisome feeling of regret.Â
I think I will always be one of those people who has a few close friends rather than a large circle, despite my dreams of a flourishing friend group. While I have formed some of the most intimate, closest friendships of my life that I am confident I will hold dear after graduation, I still find myself desperate for the attention of new friends. I know how difficult and scary it can be for recent grads to make friends after college, especially when it feels like everyone you know is scattered to the wind. I can’t shake the feeling that I am running out of time to make the meaningful connections I crave so deeply. I’m afraid I am wasting what’s supposed to be the best years of my life.Â
I constantly ruminate over every club I have declined to join, any party I skipped that night, and any missed opportunity I had to start a conversation with a classmate. Regret is an emotion that gnaws at you, stripping back any shred of dignity or self-esteem. Going on a spiral of regret feels physical, like it’s lining your bones and causing you to twist over on yourself. It’s honestly one of the most dreadful, humiliating emotions.Â
Dealing with regret is a challenge I have not mastered completely, but I have been recognizing some of the ways that I can relieve it. For me, the most important revelation I have clung to throughout college is that multiple things can be true at the same time. My regrets and feelings of isolation are totally normal. But at the same time, it’s true that I have lovely friends who care about me. It’s normal to feel discouraged after joining several clubs and not walking away with a new best friend. But that doesn’t also mean I need to stop putting myself out there. I can have a fun night while still feeling like I am missing out on something greater.Â
Reframing regret in this way is not perfect. But it doesn’t allow me to ignore my feelings. For me, the only way for me to overcome pain is for it to be validated first. Then I can allow myself to appreciate the blessings in my life that my feelings of regret often cloud. Thinking about regret like this also helps me put things into perspective. My life is full and I have so much ahead of me, and wallowing in regret is the true waste of time.Â
Whenever I am overwhelmed with thoughts of regret, I remind myself that thoughts are simply just thoughts, nothing more. While I’m unsure if my regrets are something that will ever leave me, for now I am content with how I can acknowledge my feelings without giving them power.Â