As I landed in Beijing, a sudden feeling of nostalgia, excitement, and fear overwhelmed me. After being away for more than a decade, I was finally back in the place I started—China.
I never imagined getting to go back so early. The last time I had been was when I was 10 years old and now I was about to turn 22. There had always been a plan to return back, but it was more a plan for when I was in a money-making corporate job. However, when the opportunity to come back through one of CU’s Global Seminars arose, I knew I had to take the chance and apply.
For many on the trip, their reasons for traveling to China were mainly for new cultural experiences, practicing their Chinese, and buying a bunch of souvenirs for their friends and family back home. I had similar reasons (although my knowledge of Chinese was pretty non-existent) as everyone else, with one glaring exception: I was from China.
I was adopted from China when I was younger, and despite having been back since then, I felt like I had no grasp of Chinese culture or how people lived. It was amazing to learn that the class being taught abroad was an organizational behavior class, which covered those exact subjects. My classmates and I got to explore both exploding cities and areas so rural that my group was stared at from miles away.
Going back came with emotions that had been suppressed for years and the biggest feeling of imposter syndrome I had ever felt. But despite all that, it was the experience of a lifetime and I wouldn’t trade a single moment of it.
Beijing, Aug. 7-9
I learned quite quickly how time consuming it is to get to China. There was the worry of sending every official document I owned to the Chinese embassy to get a visa, but there was also the flight time: I went from Denver to Los Angeles, Los Angeles to Taipei, and finally Taipei to Beijing. My friend and I left on the 5th of August and arrived on the 7th, losing an entire day.
I had been to Beijing before and got to do all the touristy things: Great Wall of China, Temple of Heaven, Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square, among other things. This let me fully focus on the environment I was in and get my first sense of culture shock. The first thing I thought while driving to the welcome dinner was, wow, everyone here is Chinese.
Of course everyone is Chinese, we’re in China, but I believe it was a valid reaction. I grew up in Colorado my entire life in white-dominated towns, so I never got the feeling where I felt that I was the majority. There were pros and cons to that of course, where it was comforting being around mainly Chinese people, but bad in the sense that I was totally an imposter in their world. I couldn’t speak any Chinese except for the very basic words and phrases—I looked Chinese, but that was the only thing that made me similar to them.
The activities in Beijing consisted of the Temple of Heaven, Bell’s Tower, Tiananmen Square, and meetings with someone studying higher education in China and someone in the Chinese Communist Party. Our group kept getting lost on the first day since our tour guide walked much quicker than any of us, so the next day came to meet us with a flag he waved whenever we weren’t able to find him. While I thought this was a bit touristy at first, we really needed it.
Xining, Aug. 10-14
Xining is within the Qinghai province in China, which is considered Western China. Despite being the capital city of the province, Xining only had a population of around two million people (although this sounds big, it was tiny in Chinese terms). It was quite a journey to get there; our flight had been delayed five hours, three of which when we were already on the plane.
I really enjoyed Xining since it was most culturally different from anywhere else we went in China. A lot of activities consisted of visiting local Tibetan monasteries and families who lived on farms, which felt like a breath of fresh air compared to the bustling city. There was a day where we traveled four hours by bus to Gangca County, a very small area that only had a population of around 60,000 people. The drive was beautiful, getting to see the countryside and mountains and even smaller villages.
Being in such a small place had its complications, however. China, especially Western China, wasn’t used to having American tourists. More photos of us were taken than ever, and our group was able to have plenty of conversations with the locals. Once, while at our hotel in Gangca, we weren’t allowed to leave our hotel for a night because the Chinese police were weary of us being in the region.
My most memorable day of the entire trip was getting to visit a Tibetan family at their farm. They invited all of us into their home and taught us how to make these cookies from scratch, using all local ingredients they sourced themselves. From there we went around picking up yak poop in a contest of who could find the most fuel-efficient poop (my team got second), and finally got to show my mediocre skills at the archery range. The scenery, people and activities made this whole day so worthwhile and it’s a time I’ll never forget.
Chengdu, Aug. 15-19
On our way to Chengdu, disaster struck: I had gotten sick. A sickness had been traveling around our group the entire time, but I managed to avoid it right until we were heading to the Xining airport to take our flight to Chengdu. I was throwing up in the airport and hoping that a bus would somehow run me over and take me out of my misery. Luckily, I was able to make a recovery and spent my time in Chengdu sniffling without too much annoyance.
Chengdu was another location that I had already been to before during my other trip previously. The most prominent thing I remember about my trip previously was getting to see the pandas—something that was also a highlight for many now. To me, pandas seem like this odd animal that don’t look like they should exist with their black and white exteriors. Even though one was right in front of me, it looked like a giant stuffed animal rather than a living thing.
Other than the pandas, we were able to visit a bamboo weaving factory where we weaved our own fans and walked around a bean paste factory. We also visited a couple famous Chinese sculptors (casually), tried our hand at dancing at a local Chinese dance school and went to an opera show.
Chengdu was my favorite location that we visited, despite the humidity and hot temperatures. It’s a city that’s twice the size of New York City, but it feels like everything is in its place and it was really fun to explore during our free time (we even went to an indoor water park in the largest building in the world). It was also a great place to shop, from the pandas to the art and little markets scattered around.
Shenzhen and Hong Kong, Aug. 20-24
As the trip started to come to an end, we were heading to our last location of Shenzhen. We got to take an eight hour bullet train over, which was something I was looking most forward to before the trip due to my recent infatuation with public transportation and cargo trains (it’s a long story). Though half the ride was in a tunnel, the scenery outside it was unbelievable since you were looking at the mountains near Guilin, known for their sharp peaks.
Shenzhen is considered the Silicon Valley of China, known for its entrepreneurship and being in a Special Economic Zone. Our group went to many different businesses, from a large video game company to a small two person start up. A lot of our trip was about seeing the people of certain businesses, but it was fun getting to get into the ‘business’ of it and check out the differences between how these companies operate versus American companies.
Everyone was a little stressed out in Shenzhen to say the least since we had to start getting our group projects and papers completed by the end of the trip. While everyone got it done, it was clear that we were ready to head home afterwards.
On our travel day home, me and a couple others from the group headed to Hong Kong in the morning. We had hopes of getting to explore the city a little before our flight in the evening, but realized that was easier said than done. Getting through immigration into Hong Kong took two hours and we didn’t want to take our luggage with us everywhere, so we ended up just getting lunch at a place near the train station and heading to the airport. The flight out of the city was so impressive, seeing the skyline along with all the forested mountains next to the ocean. While it was a short trip, I knew I had to return to Hong Kong.
A Last Reflection
The nearly three-week trip was both incredibly long but also flew by; the first few days felt like months and the last week felt like an hour. Nothing was familiar except for the KFC and McDonalds near our hotels, where our group started to gravitate towards during meals after getting more tired of Chinese food (as good as it was).
I thought that I would be able to gain a sense of self during this trip and further figure out my identity, but the opposite happened. The entire time I felt foreign, like I didn’t belong anywhere I was going. Most of the group spoke better Chinese than I did and had a connection to the culture in some shape or form, but the imposter syndrome was consuming me. Each comment or surprised look about how I was Chinese but also wasn’t was something I never got used to—I only got better at hiding my feelings toward it. While it was something to grapple, being in a group setting showed that I wasn’t alone.
I loved the group I got to travel with; we were all completely different but were able to complement each other and build relationships as we spent almost every hour of the day together. Our tour guide, who traveled with us the entire time, was the best addition to the group and I’ll never forget his stories.
Getting to go on this trip was truly the trip of a lifetime. It’s a bit sentimental knowing that I will probably never see some of those families we visited again or plant potatoes in a random Chinese field, but I’m so grateful for every experience and will remember it for the rest of my life.
Most of all, this trip made me realize that I must go back to China—again. I said it when I was 10, and I’ll say it now at 21. I have more confidence and assurance about what it’s like and the places I want to visit in the future. I know how to pay using WeChat and Alipay, and I’ve become an expert at avoiding being hit by the mopeds. All this new knowledge can’t be wasted, and neither can the ten year entry visa.
Now it’s actually time to wait for the money-making corporate job.