I have been a hopeless romantic for as long as I can remember. As a pre-teen, sitting on the couch with my mom and watching romance movies one after another definitely played a role in my unrealistic expectations. When Jenna returned to her 13-year-old self in “13 Going on 30” and leapt out of the closet to kiss Matt, an excitement bubbled in my chest thinking how that could one day be me. At times I’d hear adults say, “stuff like that only happens in the movies” but being young and taken by the idea of love, I never believed them.
I wish I had.
Now, as a 21-year-old college student, I can say that I was heavily misled by the majority of romance movies, music and novels I indulged in when I was younger. The world of dating, especially on a college campus, is far more complicated than I thought it would be. The trend of “Ins and Outs of 2024” serves as a perfect description of the topic at hand: Hookup culture is in, and relationships are out.
This is not to say that I think hookups are the root of all evil and people should be shamed if they enjoy them. Hooking up can serve as a good alternative if you are not looking for something serious. It allows you to explore what you like without having the pressures of labeling. I think if healthy and safe boundaries are set between you and the other person, hookups can be fun!
The problem I have is the culture that has been developed around hookups, most notably in younger generations.
As a college student, I struggle with FOMO or the “fear of missing out” constantly. The worst feeling is having to stay in on the weekend to study instead of having a fun night out with friends. The reason I bring this up is because FOMO surrounding hookups is more relevant than ever.
There is an immense pressure around hookups—and sex in general—in college that goes unsaid. Hookups start to feel like all anyone ever wants; especially on dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. I have had my fair share of deleting and redownloading all of them more times than I can count. What I have learned the most from dating apps is they satisfy a fleeting validation I crave; however, in the end, I always find myself settling for less than what I want or deserve.
The normalization around hookups made me fear the possibility of rejection. So, being vulnerable about my feelings with someone became difficult. I have found we are so fearful of letting someone know we care about them, to the point where we purposefully wait hours to respond to a simple message. We hold ourselves to these almost robotic expectations to not get attached, to not communicate and to be devoid of any sort of emotional connection we have when it might not be reciprocated.
I went from being a hopeless romantic to just plain hopeless. I kept trying to convince myself that hookups satisfied me when that could not have been further from the truth.
What I really want? To be reading at my favorite coffee shop and someone sits down to introduce themselves. Or accidentally bumping into a stranger and locking eyes with them. A “meet-cute” is the best way I can describe these made-up scenarios I create, which has become one of my favorite pastimes. Even if it is extremely unlikely, it ignites my hope into having a natural introduction.
To all the young and hopelessly romantic who are reading this, you are not alone. I know the pressures of hookup culture can be heavy at times, and it makes us want to fit in. Do what you know is best for you, even if it means waiting a little longer for that someone. They are out there. Being vulnerable and setting boundaries can be scary, but it is the first step in being honest with yourself, which will benefit you more in the end.
So, cuddle up tonight and watch that rom com, go on a drive and blast your favorite love song to belt along to or treat yourself to a cute date. It might take more time and patience, but when you meet someone who is just as hopelessly romantic as you are, it will be worth the wait. Â Â