I am a big The 1975 girly and an especially big fan of the album “Notes on a Conditional Form”. On this album is a song that sits quite close to my heart entitled “Playing on my Mind”.
This song is like a diary entry that was turned to song as lead singer Matty Healy dishes all of the thoughts that have been, just as the song says, “playing” on his mind. These thoughts range from existential to silly, like contemplating if he is really going to “live and die” in a band and not online shopping for clothes due to a fear of something not fitting.
The real kicker, and what gets me as the thoughtEST a “thought daughter” can get, is the silly matters connecting to something even deeper. The online clothing shopping actually raises the further question of why Healy’s same logic of something found online not fitting seems to not apply when examining his online dating.
I love this song to my core. It makes me humbly, and even uncomfortably, aware of myself. It’s a staple piece for when I just need to stare at the ceiling and think.
If you haven’t picked up on the general theme here, practically all I do is think. There is always something “Playing on my Mind”. This song is really heavily playing on it right now.
But outside of that here are some other obscure, maybe even silly, things that are “Playing on my Mind”.
“Being Alive” – Adam Driver
Huge Adam Driver enthusiast here, and I can attest that his role in Marriage Story is just absolutely incredible. He fills the role in such a perfect way and delivered a great deal of heartbreak as “Charlie Barber”, a flawed theater company-owning husband and father.
After sealing the deal on his messy divorce, he copes in the most theater kid way possible. Breaking out into song.
I promise, it isn’t in a crazy High School Musical way. You see a genuinely broken man taking to the mic at a familiar place where his love formerly flourished.
He chooses to sing “Being Alive”, a Stephen Sondheim piece from his musical Company. I can’t lie, it is seldom a day goes by where I don’t watch this scene at least once.
It highlights the beauty and pain of human companionship and truly moves me. Sometimes love is someone to “hurt you too deep” or “force you to care” or “sit in your chair and ruin your sleep”, and that is both wonderful and devastating. It can be quite horrifying, and yet we still crave it.
Please at least watch his clip of his performance on YouTube, if not the whole movie.
Acting tough, but this is what is playing in my headphones.
Sonder
For those who don’t know, the definition of “sonder” is “the feeling one has on realizing that every other individual one sees has a life as full and real as one’s own” (dictionary.com).
I am often struck with this feeling while walking to classes across campus, sitting in the waiting room at my doctor’s office, driving with hundreds of others on the highway and even sitting in my Her Campus meetings.
My backbone composed entirely of too much empathy often brings me to tears when I think about how everyone has their own story.
Everyone has their own destination, their own starting point even. Everyone was someone’s baby once. The person that just briefly appeared in my peripheral has dreams bigger than I could ever understand.
I am in awe of humanity.
Even if you make up 0.2 seconds of my day, you probably play on my mind for at least 2 minutes.
Animals
My day is absolutely made if I encounter any sort of animal whatsoeveThis includes everything from the black squirrels that roam my campus to the friendly neighborhood dogs on their daily walks.
Now I know what you are thinking, “Okay? Who doesn’t love animals?”.
But I can promise you that anytime I see an animal it is unfortunately and also fortunately way more than just a “Aww cute animal” moment.
I often think about the fact I can’t comprehend how the animals I frequently encounter are real, living things that exist in front of me. How a big bang somehow led to the formation of the unreal giraffe I am feeding at the zoo or the bizarre agouti on my Tik Tok.
It just wows me to a point that is almost concerning. I need to stop overthinking this one so much, but it plays up there regardless.
The Greatest showman
This movie will always be so much more than a movie to me, and I will not be taking comments.
I cannot properly elaborate.
God bless Hugh Jackman… and my familial rooted attachment to this movie too, I guess.
The Bridge of “free now” by gracie abrams
This bridge is something I think of in the most unexpected moments. In the silence, it almost always appears.
Here:
“It’s a pain that I caught you at a bad time/it’s a shame that I memorized your outline/you were straight up with me, you were so kind/but I knew what you knew, honey great minds/it was harsh cause I lost what I wanted/I was brave when I kissed you in London/we’re collateral here/man, we got hit/hope you find somewhere safe for your baggage.”
“Every page that I wrote, you were on it/feel you deep in my bones, you’re the current/and I showed no restraint, it was something/I was scared up till you made me love it”
“If you find yourself out/if there is a right time/chances are I’ll be here/we can share a lifeline“
“If you feel like falling/catch me on your way down/never been less empty/all I feel, is free now”
Hopefully it speaks for itself, but I also did bold the parts that simply make me think about everything that has ever happened to me ever.
you
Yeah, you, whoever is reading this.
What has been playing on your mind lately? I am sincerely wondering.
If you feel inclined to do so, think about it! I am certainly thinking about the fact that you and anyone else who is reading this piece all have hundreds of different things playing on their own minds.
Whatever it may be, just let it play.