In the age of modern feminism, it is easy to assume that the patriarchy only hurts women. It is true that women suffer and have suffered greatly from the social system that is the patriarchy. Historically, women were burned at the stake over baseless claims of witchcraft and denied the same rights and freedoms as men for decades, which caused our grandmothers and great-grandmothers to be financially dependent on their husbands, leaving many of them trapped in abusive relationships.
Despite current legislation and conservative attacks on women’s reproductive freedoms, feminism has come a long way in closing the gap between men and women in terms of equality. Women earned the right to vote, the right to enter the workforce and become self-sufficient, and we have broken through the restrictions of women’s education. But, those who believe that equality has been achieved are sorely mistaken. Women continue to suffer at the hands of the patriarchy. There is still a pay gap between genders, domestic violence disproportionately affects women, and the societal pressures and double standards for women persist. However, we would be remiss in not acknowledging the plight of men due to the current social structure as well.
Men are statistically more likely to commit violent crimes, especially against women. They are also more likely to commit suicide or refuse to seek mental health services. The current social system encourages traditional characteristics of masculinity and demonizes femininity.
Just like women, men are held to social standards. Both genders are expected to conform to, or at least aspire for, the ideal body standard. Men are encouraged to be muscular and trim, have a clean haircut, and appear professionally successful. They are also preferred to be tall, smart, non-emotional, and financially stable. While some men were born into situations where all of these traits are easily attainable, for others these things will never be within reach.
Within the intersections of masculinity, some men find their place in the patriarchy to be contradictory. Men of color, queer men, and men of lower socioeconomic status experience even more hardships. They demand respect because they are a man, but that respect is undermined by racism, homophobia, or classism. These juxtapositions can cause identity issues and poor mental health, and since emotional intelligence is typically deemed ‘feminine,’ their feelings usually go unaddressed. Men of any race, sexuality, or economic standing can experience mental health crises, as can women. The difference, however, is that women have the ability to share in the emotional experience with a trusted circle. There are many things that may cause a man emotional distress, but the larger issue at hand is that men often lack the resources to process their emotions in a healthy way.
The idea that being emotional is solely a feminine trait, meaning an inferior trait, has been the unspoken rule of humanity for far too long. The patriarchy enforces that men should be ashamed of being vulnerable and that society should perceive vulnerable men as weak. Most men lack emotional intelligence and an emotional support system, which is very damaging to their personal mental health and to the people around them. Seeking help for mental health is extremely stigmatized for men, in some social circles more than others, so men tend to suffer in silence when they are struggling. There are higher suicide rates for men, they are more likely to commit violent crimes, such as domestic violence or mass shootings, and they tend to be more disconnected from their families and fatherhood.
Men need to open up to each other and allow their friends and family to offer them emotional support as well. Break down the stigma against seeking mental health help for all people. Mental illness, like most illnesses, does not discriminate. People of all genders, races, ethnicities, and sexualities can face mental struggles. As a society, we should expand our empathy to all people, especially men, as they need support and a safe space to heal when they are hurting.
Mental illness, of course, is no excuse or justification for the horrific crimes that some men have committed, but it is one explanation for the cause of violence from men. Improving men’s mental health access could make them more empathetic and more involved in their relationships with women, children, and other men. Slowly chipping away at the destructive nature of the patriarchy will benefit everyone, and since men hold the power in a patriarchy, it stands to reason that bringing to light the ways men are also harmed by the system will be the most effective way to make change.