Haliey Welch (or, as your younger brother or weird uncle would know her, “Hawk Tuah Girl”) launched the Talk Tuah podcast, and I’ve gotta say… it’s really freaking weird.
Now, I’m the first to say that I’m not a huge podcast listener. Of course, I’ll occasionally tune into a viral Call Her Daddy interview, or even listen to an anti-diet culture podcast while I’m on a hot girl walk to grab a coffee, but there isn’t a podcast that I’m wholly dedicated to week after week. And while I was positive that my podcast breakthrough wouldn’t be Talk Tuah, which is hosted by Welch, I was interested in giving it a shot. I mean, what else was I going to do with a free hour of my day? (In hindsight, there were a lot of things I would’ve rather done, but here we are.)
So, what’s the tea with the Talk Tuah podcast? I decided to give the first episode, which features comedian Whitney Cummings, a listen. And man, do I have some thoughts.
Dropped on Sept. 10, Talk Tuah is powered by Betr, which is (jumpscare!) Jake Paul’s sports betting and media company. After learning that, I was pretty confident that this podcast wasn’t meant for me: I’m a bisexual, mixed-race, intersectional feminist, and Jake Paul… is Jake Paul. (You can draw your own conclusions when it comes to that.) However, I was willing to put my initial feelings aside for a chance to hear Welch out. If I’m being honest, I don’t know much about her at all — and neither does the internet. So, why not give her a fair shot and hear what she has to say? Maybe she’ll be like, the next Barbara Walters, or something.
So, I settled into my favorite chair, put on my noise-canceling headphones, and got ready to learn more about the woman behind the meme. And as I waited for my YouTube to load, I wondered, What if it’s actually good?
Fast-forward to six minutes later, and I’m taking my headphones off to pace around my room and wonder why I pitched this idea to the Entertainment Editor in the first place. But in the interest of time, and to meet a deadline, I took a deep breath and continued to listen.
The podcast is kind of all over the place. It starts out with Welch in her home in Tennessee, hugging a pillow of (*checks notes*) Matt Rife? Welch then explains that she wanted to start the episode in Tennesee since that’s where her career took off before making the move to LA, and that the new project is a way for the world to get to know her better.
The episode then transitions to Welch on a set with Cummings, where we instantly learn that Welch has a massive crush on (*checks notes again*) Matt Rife. The podcast continues to bounce around from subject to subject — from growing out and styling pubic hair to the highs and lows of Welch’s journey on the internet. And while the podcast promised to let viewers get to know Welch a little more — by the end — I was even more confused about who this girl really is.
My issue with Talk Tuah isn’t with Welch. Aside from the way her first name is spelled (Haliey, not Hailey), I really have no problem with the girl: IMO, she seems like a real, fun person that I would love to have a hungover morning debrief with. However, aside from a few tidbits of information — she’s from Tennesee, she has a new boyfriend, and she loves animals — the episode doesn’t offer anything new about Welch. And, for the majority of the podcast, Welch isn’t even the one asking the questions or dominating the conversation. It’s just… weird.
Talk Tuah is one-dimensional, but maybe that’s the point. Maybe we’re not supposed to learn more about Welch because, due to her viral fame, she’s a character: the Hawk Tuah Girl. Whether it’s her choice or not, a podcast designed for the world to see the girl beyond the Hawk Tuah meme will only tether her to the viral moment forever. But, I mean, at least she’s getting a big ‘ol check from it.
Like I said before, I figured that, from the jump, this podcast would not be for me. While I was expecting to see a new side of Welch, I just ended up with a little bit of a headache and a longing to get an hour of my life back. But, who knows? I’m just one person, and I’m pretty sure there’s an audience for Welch’s show out there somewhere. It just ain’t me she talking tuah.