Dear night shift,
There is nowhere I belong more than in the hours between 7 p.m. and 7 a.m. Your twelve hours teach me and need me. You make me feel important. You water my roots, then give me the space to grow. All the loose bits and pieces of my brain that couldn’t choose a major or struggled to find purpose in college found a place in the open spaces of you, during the night shift.
When I started working at Newton Wellesley Hospital, I was terrified. I knew nothing, and I definitely didn’t know if I belonged in healthcare. My first night on the job as a Patient Care Associate (essentially a nurse’s aid), I was uneasy; I was a 20-year-old with no experience, a little bit of training and barely six hours of sleep showing up to work in a labor and delivery unit. The nurses and providers intimidated me, all older than me, smarter than me and definitely higher up in positional hierarchy. I was afraid to be in the way; I didn’t want to take up space if I wasn’t being useful. I think I barely sat down once that first night, too afraid to make a mistake or even to take someone’s seat.
Quickly, the fear fell away and I came to crave your hours between sunset and sunrise. The nocturnal staff welcomed me and immediately made me feel like I belonged. During the night shift, which is chronically short staffed and typically undesirable, there are tasks a position like mine can take off the hands of the nurses. I handled simple and sometimes tedious items that can make others’ jobs easier. However, the duties of my job are not what makes you so special to me.
Truly, it is the nurses that make my nights important. They are the people who answer my questions and take their time to teach me the ins and outs of the hospital. The more I learn about their job, the more I can help them. They are patient and knowledgeable, and I am incredibly grateful for their guidance. Not only are they intelligent, but they are fun. The staff that work at night are bright, funny and resilient people. Constantly underestimated and overlooked, the night shift shines during the hours when there are fewer resources, limited helping hands and an ever present awareness of the unexpected. Anything can happen in healthcare, but during the dark hours there is no plan; patients show up when they need help, not because they have an appointment. The staff that works at night is acutely aware of the unpredictable, and they are prepared. When an emergency happens, they know what to do and they react using the often limited resources available to them. The nature of the night shift has exposed me to difficult circumstances from which I have learned to help mostly because I had to, as any available person has to help during those hours.
There are undeniable struggles that come with our relationship, the first being sleep. Teaching my body to sleep during the day and be alert through the night was difficult. There is something, however, that lights a fire in me when I wake up and it’s dark outside my window. Drinking a coffee at 6 p.m. as I drive to work feels exciting and driving home in the morning, knowing I get to sleep the day away, feels rewarding. Second to sleep, my social relationships have fallen victim to your hold on me. Extracurriculars and social gatherings were unintentionally put on a back burner. This is partially due to your strange schedule, but you also take up so much of my energy that it can scatter my brain. This makes me unable to keep track of daily tasks, and struggle to keep plans with friends afloat. My closest relationships, that were once effortless, now take more energy to maintain. The upside of this hardship is the friendships you have introduced to me. The people I work with have greater experience and status, but they are friends nonetheless, lively and enjoyable to be around. While I did expect one social circle to struggle at the expense of your demanding schedule, I did not anticipate unlocking a new circle of friends I would make from being at work.
So, dear night shift: The adrenaline, the teamwork and the clinical lessons are reason enough to draw me to you, however, the staff that shows up every night to work while the rest of the world is asleep are by far the most outstanding part of working your hours.
You, the night shift, have given a student like me the opportunity to learn a space without feeling inadequate. I know I can grow and help at the same time. The time I have spent at the hospital between 7 p.m. and 7 a.m. have made me absolutely certain that this field, this career and this shift are where I am meant to be. I am especially grateful to both the people who start work when the sun goes down and all the families and friends that support those who work after dark. At first intimidating, oftentimes challenging and always unpredictable, my heart belongs in your hands. If not forever, then at least for right now, I am in love with working the night shift.
Sincerely,
Jane