The Final Countdown: How I feel about entering my last year of university

As I stepped onto campus for the first time as a final-year university student, I couldn’t help but feel an invisible clock ticking. Suddenly, I was very aware this would be my last ever first day of school, something that had occurred every year of my life for as long as I could remember. Walking to my first class this semester, I felt strangely emotional, almost as if I was already nostalgic for a time that wasn’t even over yet. 

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that growing up is weird. Since turning 21 last month, thoughts of getting older and becoming a “real” adult have plagued my mind. What comes after graduation is uncharted territory that — no pressure — will mark the next phase of my life. 

I’ve never been the type of person who has had to have their life planned out — I hardly even think much further than a year in the future. Throughout my time in university, graduation has been a looming but distant threat that I’ve tried not to think about too much. Instead, I told myself to focus on living in the present and that I would cross that bridge when I got to it.

Now, I’m rapidly getting closer to that bridge, and it’s almost my turn to cross it. It’s time to face the music and accept the reality of growing up. However, I’d much rather put in some earplugs and hide under my covers.

If you asked me at age 6 what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would’ve said a ballerina. If you had asked me at any point in high school, I probably would’ve said, “I don’t know,” while blinking back tears (this question was asked frequently, and my lack of an answer stressed me out immensely). And if you asked me right now, at 21, I still wouldn’t have an answer. 

University feels like a constant state of limbo, suspended between being a teenager and an adult. Although my age no longer ends with “teen,” I don’t really feel like I’ve left those years behind. 

I’ve always been fairly sentimental, sensitive to change, and seeking comfort in familiarity. I continue to rewatch the same TV shows, re-read my favourite books, and still dream of a One Direction reunion. I suppose this could be seen as clinging to my youth — but this nostalgia has comforted me as I navigate the unfamiliar territory of adulthood. 

The last three years of my life at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) have been some of my best yet. I’ve learned so much about myself through the different people I’ve met and discovering the world around me. Though I’ll likely be complaining nearing exam season, I enjoy school and all the learning and expanding my knowledge that comes with it. 

Although the school year has just begun, I know I’ll miss getting matcha lattes at Oakham Cafe before class and sitting in the Kerr Quad on a sunny afternoon. I’ll miss the joy of finding an empty study spot on the third floor of the Rogers Communication Centre and the way Gould Street looks when the leaves start to change colour. I’ll long for the view from the eighth floor of the Student Learning Centre and watching hockey games at the Mattamy Athletic Centre. 

Though my time at TMU will come to an end when I cross the convocation stage in June, I will always be thankful for the memories and friendships I’ve made during my time here.

• #20s
• #back to school
• #campus life
• #college life
• #senior year
• college
• graduation