The Ugly Truth of Studying Abroad

You’re going to meet lifelong friends… you’re going to make so many friends. 

These statements met my ears a multitude of times in the months prior to studying abroad. From my roommate who studied abroad in Rome, to my coworker (who did the same program as me the previous summer), to even my mom- they were all so confident in the inevitable bonding that occurs during studying abroad.  

This past summer, I attended a 10-week internship abroad program in Dublin, Ireland. I have been home for about a month now, which has given me plenty of time to fully reflect on my time there and my feelings surrounding it.  

From the moment I opened the car door at Terminal 3 Newark International Airport, I donned rose-colored glasses. What was to happen over the next 10 weeks? Who was I going to meet? Would I meet people who would become my closest friends? Would I become friends with locals? My veins pumped with anticipation for what many told me would be “the best summer of my life.”  

Despite the two melatonin gummies I took in hopes of sleeping through the 8-hour flight, the plane ride was filled with jittery excitement that wouldn’t let me rest. I had no clue what was to come.  

Those first four weeks were cloaked in a glittery aura that made my eyes widen, heartbeat fast, and adrenaline pump through my veins. As with anyone studying abroad, I wanted to soak in every experience, talk to every new person I encountered (those in my program and not), drink good beer, eat good food, and see every inch of the city. I wanted this so much that I forgot about my budget, my own self, and even my boyfriend who was living back in Philadelphia. This isn’t to say I wasn’t enjoying myself, but those rose-colored first four weeks took a toll on my being that I wasn’t prepared for. Not only did those magical, fast-paced days exhaust me, I started to realize maybe I wasn’t really enjoying the people around me.   

As I scrolled through Instagram and saw all my friends in Rome and Barcelona making what seemed to be close friends, I struggled with the idea that I was not doing the same. I wanted to have those bonding moments out at a club or traveling the world. I still did those things, but always with the feeling that I wasn’t with the right people. This started to take a toll on my emotional wellbeing and desire to say yes to plans.  

I wish I could say I figured out how to get rid of these emotions, but I still struggle to understand all the emotions that floated through my mind. There was one thought that eased my mind: I’m only here for X weeks left, I might as well take a deep breath and take the opportunity to explore the city with them. At times, a deep breath wasn’t enough to disrupt the extremely uncomfortable feeling of not enjoying those around me; but at other times, I could calm myself and find other aspects, such as the food or landscape, to focus on and enjoy.  

Another way I combatted these feelings was going on adventures alone. I am more of an introvert and it’s a bit harder for me to put on the “I love everyone and I’m having a great time” mask when I am so clearly not enjoying myself. In the evenings after work, I would often find myself at a museum or a new area of the city I wanted to explore. This enabled me to still wander around Dublin with company that I truly enjoyed– myself. In these moments I would call my boyfriend to feel as if he was walking beside me- another factor that, at times, was difficult to navigate… but that’s a story for another time.  

In the whirlwind of new people and experiences, it can be hard not to lose yourself. After 5 days of constant socializing, I remembered how important it is to have alone time. It was a bit difficult not to feel bad about forgoing plans, but alone time was one thing that kept me grounded and sane. I can’t say that I had my well-being figured out after one week. I still struggled 8 weeks into my time to figure out exactly when I needed alone time and when I needed to socialize.  

I write this not to scare you away from studying abroad, but in hopes that maybe you’ll be more aware that study abroad isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. After 10 weeks of frustrating and, at times, distressing emotions, I would still advocate for studying abroad. I found these experiences aren’t limited to studying away from home, but they are just some ugly truths of life.  

Life is a constant balancing of new experiences, finding people who you connect with, and focusing on your own wellbeing. I was able to learn how to navigate these emotions in a relatively safe environment and prepare myself for the next time I come face to face with these “ugly truths.”  

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