Breakups happen everyday.
I bet when you read that first line you were thinking of the romantic kind, but the kind I am talking about are those of friendship.
Having a friend in your life is similar to having a partner. Someone you feel like you can trust and rely on. Someone who you can’t imagine not being in your life. Yet, we don’t often hear or see media about friendship breakups. What happens when your BFF isn’t forever?
As of October, it will be two years since I’ve experienced a friendship breakup of my own. As I enter my 20s and leave my high school days behind, it’s becoming more apparent what I truly need from a friendship. I’ve learned a lot from my experience since that time, so here are some helpful tips to help others navigate the not-so-talked-about friendship breakup.
Tip #1
Use this breakup as a lessonÂ
Take out a journal and write down all of the things that made the friendship not work or be toxic.Use these things as a guide on what you don’t want to see in a future friendship. It will also help you notice red flags right away.
I have used this tip the most: it helps me process what I really want in a relationship when it’s all laid out for me to see.
Tip #2
Out of sight out of mind
It will take you a while to heal from what happened, but what can help you is unfollowing them on socials, and deleting photos and phone numbers. This tip might be the hardest, but remember healing isn’t linear, so it might be hard to let go of such things.Â
Allowing yourself to part with these possibly painful moments may help you move forward, so, out of sight, out of mind.
Tip #3
Talk to someone
Finding a non biased person in your life and talking about what led up to the breakup can be extremely helpful. Oftentimes some breakups don’t give us enough or any closure at all, so finding someone who can give you that sort of support or validation can help ease the experience, if only a little.
Tip #4Â
Become your own friend
As silly as this one might seem, we have to realize that at the end of the day, we will always have ourselves in our own corner.
Rediscovering who you are as a person and a friend can help you and build confidence, which can benefit you in future relationships. Things as simple as journaling everyday, watching a show/ reading a book with a character you can relate to, or a self care day can help you achieve this.
Tip #5
Cry, Scream, Reflect
When I say healing isn’t linear, I mean it really isn’t.
Breaking up with a friend is a big deal, and can weigh a lot on you emotionally. You are allowed to feel angry, frustrated, and confused. It will take some time before you’re truly ready to begin the moving on process. You are allowed to grieve the time you had with your now former friend(s).
Don’t hold back your feelings for the sake of a “linear” healing journey. It’s okay to double back and cry or feel angry, as long as it helps you accept it and move on.
Tip #6Â
Dissect the “why”
If you were the one who initiated the breakup, remember the “why”. There’s a reason why that seed of doubt was planted in your head about the friendship. This will help you gain clarity about what you don’t want for yourself, and will help you set boundaries when it comes to your friendships.
This tip has personally helped me the most. I’ve set and enforced boundaries for myself, and it has overall helped me in all the different kinds of relationships in my life, as I learned to put myself first.
I recently saw a thread on X that I felt really gave some insight on what one should want out of a friendship in their 20s.
when you realize that friendship in your 20s is really about taking the initiative to reach out because you can’t bump into people as easily as in high school it makes it all the more sad when people think friendships, unlike romantic relationships, don’t require intentionality
As of right now, I would say I am in a much better place than I was two years ago. I have some moments where I might dwell on a nostalgic memory, but I’ve made it clear to myself that I will not go back and push forward. Although “Now That We Don’t Talk” by Taylor Swift is a guilty pleasure song for me.
So, I hope my list of tips can provide a bit of help and comfort to anybody struggling with a friendship breakup. It happens to all of us, it’s just part of life. But being able to move forward is the strongest thing we can do.