Recently, I asked myself a question. “Olivia, why do you put others before yourself?”
If I was asked that question when I started high school, I would have told you it’s because it made me happy making other people happy. But now, I ask myself a different question, “Is it worth making people happy if I’m not?”
Throughout my life, there are times when I will disregard my well-being to make sure someone else is okay. I will be having the worst day possible, but I will still go out of my way to ensure that the people I care about are okay. In some ways, it shows how much of a caring person I am. But, in other cases, it feels like I’m using so much of my energy to care for someone else when I should be using it to take care of myself.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still love showing my friends how much I appreciate them through words of affirmation and gift-giving. It’s one of my favorite things to do as I enjoy showing my empathetic side. But I realized after a long time, that I needed to do that for myself. After all, I’m in college. I should be trying new things and meeting different people! I shouldn’t let myself get attached to a routine of constantly doing things just to please others. Although I won’t stop being that friend that will stick by you no matter what, I need to make some room in my life for ME.
I understand this journey will be difficult for me as I could lose people I care about. But, as the saying goes, “When one door closes, another one opens.” My second year of college will be a year of remodeling and growth. I will try to be outgoing in a way where I will feel comfortable and happy doing it. I will look at myself in the mirror every day, smile, and remind myself why it’s so important to wake up in the morning and be excited for the day ahead as you will have no idea what it will bring.
If you are just like me and struggling to break that routine, know that it will take time and that’s okay! With a strong support system, an open mind, and an open heart, anything can be possible. Just be willing to reach for that dream to grow for the better.