When dealing with a new relationship, sex can be a very nerve-wracking topic of conversation. Knowing what your partner is comfortable with and not comfortable is vital to having a happy and healthy sexual relationship.
In relationships, sex is meant to be something exciting, special and fun. When entering a new relationship, or having a new sexual partner in general, it’s good to have a conversation about what you are into and what you are not–intimacy wise.
Sex is not something that needs to feel rushed or casual when dealing with a serious relationship. Studies have shown that delaying sex in a relationship to at least three to six months can increase desire and make the moment even more enjoyable between the couple. However, not all of us have that kind of patience, so if you have decided you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, feel free to take things slow and ease into it. It is extremely important to feel comfortable with the person you are having sex with, so these types of conversations are important.
When going about these intimate conversations, don’t let yourself feel ashamed or judged for knowing what you like, and don’t be afraid to say no to things you don’t. Asking your partner about certain things they enjoy in the bedroom whether it’s kinks, foreplay, sex positions, toys, etc… go into it with an open mind. If they bring up an area of conversation that is new to you or have never tried before, don’t be afraid to ask questions until you have a good understanding of it, or say no if it’s not something you think you wouldn’t like.
There are many different areas of sex to be talked about. The conversation should be fun and exciting, making things feel more intense but relaxed simultaneously. If your partner is making you feel unheard or nervous in any kind of way, take that as a sign of your gut warning you to possibly avoid the situation. It is perfectly okay to say no, and walk away from something even if you wanted a different outcome. Your standards and expectations of your partner matter, and if they are not upholding those expectations don’t feel bad for wanting different.
If you are already in a relationship, and experiencing problems and experiencing a rough patch with intimacy, don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. After a while of being in a relationship, it’s normal to get a little too comfortable, and feel like the spark isn’t as alive as it was before. This doesn’t mean that the relationship as a whole is doomed to not work out, it just means that you guys need to revisit the topic of conversation with intimacy.
Over time people’s needs and wants start to change, even when it comes to sex. Sex in a relationship should be a forever evolving thing. In any situation, the more experience and time you spend with a person, the better and more pleasurable the sex will be. With time, comes a lot of communication to know where someone’s head space is at in that period of time. Engaging in new activities such as toys, sex positions, roleplaying, can help spice up that spark. If your partner is not interested in trying something new sexually, a simple talk can always go a long way as well.
If you are someone that has past trauma or stressors related to sex, it is very important for your mental health to be open and communicative about what makes you feel comfortable, and what triggers your anxiety. Your pleasure comes first, but so does your well-being. You need to find a partner you understand your complications and doesn’t make you feel like sex is a vital part to your relationship. Sex should be the bonus of a relationship, not the center of it.