Talking to new people in college can be so intimidating, regardless of your year. You want to come off as calm, cool and collected, but inside, you are freaking out because you think you are coming off as desperate. Everyone feels this way.
I decided to make a list of goals before the start of this semester to motivate myself and get excited about going back. One of these goals was to be more social and talk to more people. As a sophomore, I still get scared to approach people or talk to the people that sit next to me in class. Last semester, I was very shy and did not talk to anyone unless spoken to first. While I still made new friends, I never saw them outside of class because I was hesitant to ask if they wanted to get lunch or go to a club meeting together.
After studying in Paris for my first semester, my first class on the Boston campus was an advanced course with mainly upperclassmen. I was shaking with anxiety and picking the skin off my fingers as I walked in, knowing that this class would be super challenging academically let alone socially.
I sat down in the front row — that was my first mistake. I worried that I looked like I was trying too hard and no one would talk to me. Nonetheless, I took a deep breath and my exhalation was interrupted by, “I love your jewelry.” I looked up to see a girl sitting down next to me.
At first, I did not think she was talking to me, but she was looking at me with a wide smile. I responded, “Thank you so much, I love your top!” We then started talking about our majors and found out we were both first-years. I felt relieved knowing that I wasn’t alone. I made a friend!
Following this interaction, I was motivated to become more forward, channeling the girl that complimented me. I decided the next day in my comparative politics class to compliment a girl’s shoes. We immediately became friends and started a tradition of going on weekly lunch dates soon after. While it was scary in the moment, it was so rewarding to see what had come from pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
I continued to channel the girl from the first day and I ended up making friends in almost every class. While I may not have hung out with them outside of class, knowing I had someone to talk to in each of my classes made the week easier.
However, having recently begun my second year, I started the semester still fearful of the idea of making new friends. Sophomore year is so different — what if people don’t want to make new friends? It is difficult to want to form new friendships but then spiral in the moment, not knowing how to start a conversation.
Yet, I was quickly proven wrong when my friends and I ran into someone from our time studying abroad and she was equally as excited to talk to us. We started to catch up, talking about our semesters and revisiting memories we had made while we were abroad when she said, “I didn’t talk to you guys because I was intimidated by you.” That was when I had a crazy revelation that I was not alone in feeling daunted by the challenge of making friends in college. Everyone is scared of everyone. No matter how nonchalant some come across, we are all freaking out inside.
It is important to remember that you are not the only person who feels self-conscious when tackling the difficult task of approaching someone new. It is super normal for you to be anxious and continue to be anxious about making friends, no matter what year of college you are in.
One of the biggest things to remember is that you have to be uncomfortable in order to become comfortable. That being said, one of the most difficult things you must do when making new friends is leave your comfort zone. While it can be really tough to push yourself, once you do it, you will be so happy you took the risk.
Some of my closest friendships have been formed by a compliment, invitation or seating arrangement. In the moment, it takes a lot of courage and bravery for me to go up to people. Yet, many times, these simple gestures are to thank for long-lasting relationships in college. This spooky season, I challenge myself and others to not be spooked by new social interactions because putting yourself out there can really pay off.