When I first thought about college life, I imagined it as a transformative time—a chance to fill in the gaps left by my high school years, where everything I’d missed out on would finally happen. It wasn’t some Karan Johar fantasy with melodramatic love stories and campus-wide dance-offs, but a quieter, more personal vision. College was supposed to be the place where I’d experience my “firsts”—first love, first kiss, first meaningful relationship. Like everyone else, I pictured myself strolling across campus, holding hands with someone special, feeling all the butterflies and excitement of those delulus we all are in.
But what happens when those dreams don’t come true? When those moments you thought were inevitable remain nothing more than echoes of unfulfilled hope? It’s a weird kind of emptiness. You’re aware of what’s missing, yet can’t do anything about it. It’s not that these things are unattainable—it’s that they’re not as easy as I thought. I imagined these moments would just fall into place, but reality is a lot more complicated. It’s almost like I was trying to live someone else’s life, only to realise that those things weren’t a part of my personality. They looked so simple in my head, but in practice, they’re harder to achieve than I ever expected.
Toxic relationships dominate the scene, the “hook-up culture” is the new trend — It’s hard to watch.
For one thing, college isn’t this utopia where everything happens effortlessly. Sure, some people make it look easy—those “perfect” couples on campus, always hand-in-hand, seemingly living out the exact love story I once thought I’d have. But my experience has been far from that. Toxic relationships dominate the scene, the “hook-up culture” is a new trend — It’s hard to watch. With the way love is pursued here, it’s almost impossible for me to believe in sincerity, trust, or true love anymore. Relationships in my college feel more like transactions—people come together, use each other for what they need, and then move on when things get tough. It’s not about finding a genuine connection; it’s about fulfilling some checklist of experiences.
The constant barrage of picture-perfect couples, the pressure to show off your love life—it’s all so overwhelming.
And while the longing for those “firsts” doesn’t go away, the choice to stay single becomes easier when the alternative is diving into a shallow, hollow relationship. As I watched these relationships unfold, I couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of isolation—caught between wanting a connection but knowing the options were painfully empty I’ve found myself constantly wondering: what’s the point of being in a relationship if it’s built on a foundation that’s destined to crumble? It seems like the idea of being in a relationship has become more important than the relationship itself.
It feels like today’s relationships are built around the idea of love rather than the actual person you’re supposed to love. People get swept up in the fantasy—the butterflies, the romantic moments, the Instagram-worthy dates—and they lose sight of the actual connection. When expectations aren’t met, they withdraw, realising they weren’t in love with the person but with the idea of being in love. It’s almost like a game: switch out the partner and try again. Keep chasing the next high until you’ve exhausted every possibility. That’s the cycle I see all around me—people moving from one relationship to the next, not because they’ve healed or grown but because they need to fill that void.
I’ve found myself constantly wondering: What’s the point of being in a relationship if it’s built on a foundation that’s destined to crumble?
Yet, despite the constant pursuit of connection, true companionship seemed elusive, both for me and those around me. And if real-life relationships weren’t fulfilling that need, social media only amplified the feeling of inadequacy. The loneliness? It’s tough. Watching couples everywhere, seeing love unfold around me—it makes me crave that connection too. Who wouldn’t want to experience those moments? The sweet touch of love, the comfort of togetherness, the idea of having someone by your side through it all. But does that mean I should get into a relationship just for the sake of it? Absolutely not. I’d rather spiral in bed, feeling lonely, than lose myself in a relationship built on superficial cravings. Loneliness is hard, but it’s less miserable than being trapped in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
The problem is that when most people get out of a relationship, they don’t stop to reflect on what they’ve gained or lost. Instead of taking the time to understand themselves, they jump into the next relationship, hoping it will magically fix whatever was wrong before. It’s as if they were never really attached to their previous partner; they were just attached to the idea of being with someone. It’s a pattern I see too often. The moment one relationship ends, another begins, and the cycle repeats itself.
The idea that the version of myself I imagined—the one who would experience all those “firsts”—might never exist is tough to swallow.
This endless cycle is fueled by modern dating culture, where relationships have become as disposable as the content we scroll through on Instagram. The constant barrage of picture-perfect couples, the pressure to show off your love life—it’s all so overwhelming. We spend hours scrolling through Instagram, watching people we know and people we don’t, living their curated lives. The more we watch, the more we crave something similar, something just as perfect. But it’s all fake. And we know it’s fake, yet we still let it get to us. The more time we spend on these meaningless activities, the more purposeless everything starts to feel. And naturally, the deeper that emptiness and void get.
So no, the college life I imagined before coming here is far from what I’m actually experiencing. Is the real one better? Welp, I can’t lie—expectations are always better than reality. With a sinking heart, I can confirm I have plenty of regrets about what I haven’t achieved during my time here. It’s not that college is over yet—there are still two more years to go—but I already know it’s never going to match the scenarios I had in my head. Those fantasies of mine aren’t coming true.
The hardest part is coming to terms with that reality. The idea that the version of myself I imagined—the one who would experience all those “firsts”—might never exist is tough to swallow. It’s not just about the missed experiences; it’s about the sense of failure that comes with it. I thought I’d be someone else by now. I thought I’d have these stories to tell, these moments to look back on, but instead, I’m left with this overwhelming sense of disappointment.
So yeah, best of luck handling that. Because no one tells you that the real challenge of college isn’t balancing academics with social life—it’s dealing with the gap between the life you thought you’d have and the one you actually do. Welcome to reality.
For more such brutally honest takes on college life, check out Her Campus at MUJ.
And if you’d like to explore more of my world, visit my corner at HCMUJ—Drishti Madaan!