This article contains spoilers for “I Saw The TV Glow.”
“What if she was right? What if I was someone else? Someone beautiful and powerful? Buried alive and suffocating to death on the other side of a television screen?” – “I Saw The TV Glow”
Picture this: you’ve just become a teenager, unsure of where you fit in the world. Your new clothes don’t fit you the way they’re supposed to, and your shoes squeak uncomfortably with each step. You don’t know how to harness the natural swagger older kids have, but walking with the same bounce as an elementary schooler is too juvenile. It’s a myriad of in-betweens, caught in a limbo of running ahead, yet wanting to stay the same. Time still chips away at you cruelly, urging you to forge ahead or erode away. Which option will you choose?
This is where Owen begins his story in “I Saw The TV Glow.” Gone are the days when he would wander underneath the gym parachute, watching the technicolor fabric billow above him until it swallowed him whole. What is familiar to him, though, is television. One night, he sees the trailer for a new show titled, “The Pink Opaque.” Isabel, the main character, struts across a football field in a pink, satin dress. Her image enraptures him, yet he can’t put a finger on why. That is until he meets Maddy, who is reading an episode guide to the same show.
After deceiving his parents and sneaking out, Owen watches an episode with Maddy when it airs far past his bedtime. It’s strange, psychedelic, yet he can’t look away. Maddy begins taping the show for him to watch when his parents aren’t looking. Two years later, he’s amassed a collection and Maddy plans to run away. She extends a hand for Owen to take, but he chokes and runs away. When she reappears after another eight years, she tries again.
But no amount of coaxing can make Owen take the final step and accept who he really is. He’s too familiar with this reality, no matter how fractured and suffocating it gets. Yet his memories still bleed together, and he’s haunted by the sound of Maddy’s voice and the deafening “what-ifs.”
While Owen doesn’t learn his lesson, the audience can see it scribbled into the path ahead: There is still time.
A sense of utter dread hangs over the movie, growing heavier as the plot progresses. Washing the atmosphere with vivid colors reflecting from the television or fish tank makes this feeling even more palpable. Like the average horror movie, I found myself glued to my seat, a pit steadily growing in my stomach with every passing moment. Truly, I was anticipating the moment when things would click into place for Owen, when he would finally embrace the life he had been missing.
When he finally peered inside himself, I had hope as his breath started to even out in front of the mirror. But when he returns to reality, he’s wheezing out apologies until the screen cuts to black. I waited for more, through the credits oscillating between shades of pink and blue, even when the A24 logo flashed at the end. Instead, I was forced to stare at my reflection.
“I Saw The TV Glow“ subverts the coming-of-age genre and transforms it into a cautionary tale, depicting one of the scariest endeavors known to man: embracing yourself.
When Owen is walking through his school’s hallways to the darkroom, different messages are inscribed on the bulletin boards. The ones that stuck out to me were, “TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE,” “AND I TOOK THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED BY,” and the most crushing, “WITHOUT COURAGE OTHER VIRTUES ARE MEANINGLESS,” It reminds me of a quote in “The Reluctant Fundamentalist”: “Nostalgia was their crack cocaine, if you will, and my childhood was littered with the consequences of their addiction.”
In this movie, Owen clings onto what is familiar until his knuckles turn white from desperation, but no amount of immersion can save him. This isn’t who he is, and it’s tearing him out from the inside. Nostalgia is not granting any relief, but is the exact thing torturing him.
Anyone who has struggled with their identity or their purpose can relate to Owen’s story and will be equally horrified by the consequences he faces for choosing to suppress it. When he opens himself up towards the very end, the TV glow is still inside of him. So many years down the road, he still has a choice. Perhaps in another life, the urge to push back won’t feel akin to instinct. But you aren’t in another life. You’re in this one, now. There is still time.
However, while the movie’s message is flexible, it’s crucial to remember context. “I Saw The TV Glow“ is specifically an allegory for transgender struggles; Owen’s behavior, constantly breaking the fourth wall, even his voice — stuck in the upper chest to represent the separation of the head and body — are all symbols for dysphoria and the distress that stems from it. Moreover, it has been released during a time when legislative bodies are fervently trying to erase transgender people from public life. The year 2024 has marked the fifth consecutive, record-breaking year for anti-trans bills circulating at all levels in the United States. At the time I am writing this, there are 658 total, surpassing 2023’s 615.
Owen’s life is surrounded by so many domineering forces that don’t have his best interest at heart, reflecting the unfortunate reality that many trans people currently face. Representation matters. It is more essential than ever to listen and pay attention when attacks are hurled at the community from all fronts. “I Saw the TV Glow“ rips you through the gut, urging you to act. There is still time.