Before the first race of my senior outdoor track season, I remember sobbing in my dad’s arms, thinking the track was the absolute last place in the world that I wanted to be. While I understood logically that it wasn’t the end of the world if I didn’t run as fast as I wanted, I had put so much time, effort, and hope into track the past few months. I couldn’t bear the thought of falling short of my own expectations yet again. But, track wasn’t fun for me anymore; it was a rollercoaster of anxiety, disappointment, and isolation.
In my senior year of high school, I struggled with performance anxiety for a number of reasons. The prior year, I had the best season of my life, breaking PR after PR, and climbing my way up in the Ohio state rankings. But, in a matter of months, I got injured, my beloved coach was fired, and suddenly I had to figure out how to manage a return after my injury. I was under a ton of stress; creating my own training plans, coaching my teammates, and dealing with the newfound attention I received after committing to run at UMass. It had all put me over the edge.
As a result of this, I didn’t run like myself for the entire indoor season. After my breakdown at that first outdoor meet, I realized that if I was going to stay in the sport throughout college, some things had to change. One of the changes I made was incorporating affirmations into my training regimen.
As an athlete, it can be easy to get bogged down by outside voices from your coaches, teammates, friends, and parents. However, many athletes don’t realize how much their self-talk is impacting their performance. Even Confucious once said, “Those who believe they can and those who believe they can’t are both right.” What you say to yourself matters!
The strategy I used to come up with affirmations came from Lauren Fleshman’s, Good for a Girl book, which I recommend all female athletes read. The practice goes like this: first, write down all of your fears, doubts, and anxieties about your sport. Then, give all of those fears, doubts, and anxieties affirmative responses. Keep your affirmations positive (I can win this) instead of negative (I can’t lose this). My affirmations looked like this:
- I’m not going to win this → I am a champion.
- My best times are all from so long ago → My best is soon to come.
- I can’t overcome the obstacles I’m facing → I am overcoming every obstacle.
- I don’t remember how to do this → My body knows what to do.
- I’m not as fast as I was last year → I’m getting faster every week.
- I’m working so hard and not getting anywhere → My hard work is paying off.
- I feel like an imposter → I deserve to be here.
- Other people just want it more → I am worthy.
- I’m a worse athlete than I was last year → I’m stronger and wiser than I was last year.
- I’m wasting my potential → I am stepping into my full potential.
- I will lose so much if I don’t do well → I have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
- Competing isn’t fun anymore → The hard work is done, this is the fun part.
The magical part of affirmations is that you don’t have to immediately believe them. The idea is that your words shape your thoughts, and your thoughts shape your actions. For weeks, I recited my affirmations every day. I recited them when I felt unsure of the future and what might happen next, when my thoughts started to spiral before the races, and when I was struggling during a hard workout. It felt silly at first, but over time, I started to feel a difference. The immense stress and pressure I felt around racing started to melt away.
Months later, I competed in the first meet on the road to qualifying for States. Stepping up to the line for my first race, a fleeting wave of relief passed through me. Instead of spending the whole day worrying about racing, I could regulate my thoughts and enjoy the moment. Instead of defeating myself like I had been all season, I had already won it in my head. When I crossed the finish line first and saw my fastest time ever pop up on the screen, I knew all of the hard work I did to rewire my thinking was worth it. All I needed to do was learn how to work with my thoughts instead of against them.
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