What does it mean to truly belong? For years, I found myself grappling with this question, navigating the complexities of my identities in a predominantly white high school, until I discovered a sense of home at St. John’s University. As I enter this new chapter of my life, I have been reflecting on my past relationships, decisions and sacrifices, finding that the common denominator is the minimized version of myself.
This version was created and constrained to fit the narrative that was ideal at my predominantly white high school. Here, I found myself limiting who I was to fit that ideal image. Living in this false narrative led me to participate in numerous conversations where I, as a whole and representation of my culture, did not feel welcome. Even if the girl I was was invited to the conversation, the conversation never truly involved me.
As a result of living in a stalemate for four years, I became someone almost unrecognizable to the young girl who adored her country and proudly represented the Salvadoran flag at every opportunity. This young girl had been surrounded by a town full of love and culture, never being ashamed of who she was.
In a way, I look at my past with disappointment because of how malleable I was to the contrary. I let go of my passion for who I am and allowed myself to become someone I was not. I limited my “accent” and replaced it with elongated vowels. I swapped my cultural dishes with outside food. In every way, I attempted to limit who I was in order to “prosper.”
It wasn’t until I set foot on the St. John’s campus that I realized how important it is to have a sense of community. I understood that there was never a need to blend in or become someone I wasn’t; I just wasn’t in the right place.
Now, in this new environment, I recognize how important representation is, even at my college. I was always taught that embracing who I was should be a priority. Though how could that be a possibility if I never felt welcomed?
While still experiencing the differences in teenage life and early adulthood, I have come to realize that an issue I won’t have to face is minimizing myself to fit a certain criteria. I have been extremely blessed to have a college experience where accurate representation is fostered and encouraged. I reached a place where I could openly write about my life experiences as a Hispanic woman.
In this newfound environment at St. John’s, I am not only reclaiming my voice but also celebrating the vibrant identity I once silenced. Embracing my heritage and experiences, I am grateful for the opportunity to thrive authentically, knowing that true belonging is not about fitting in but about being fully and unapologetically myself.